Sweet and Spicy Pulled Pork — The Meal That Holds Us Together

New Year. Paul and I sat on the couch at midnight. He kissed me. He said, "Another year, Linda." I said, "Another year, Paul." The same words. Every year, the same words. But this year they caught in my throat. We haven't told the kids yet. The confirmation appointment — the final battery of tests that will turn "strongly indicated" into "diagnosed" — is January 15. Two weeks. Paul wants to wait until it's official because Paul is a historian and historians want documentation before they declare anything. I understand this. I respect this. I also think he's not ready to say the word to his children and neither am I. The house emptied on December 27. The kids went home. Mamma went with Erik. The decorations are still up — I can't bring myself to take them down yet because the ornaments and the candles and the advent star in the window still say "celebration" and I need that word in the house for as long as possible before the other word takes over. Paul was quiet this week. Not the comfortable quiet of two people who've run out of things to say — the heavy quiet of a man who's been told something about his body that he's still trying to absorb. He reads constantly. Not shipwrecks anymore. Medical articles. I see his laptop screen sometimes — he doesn't hide it. He's reading about the word. He's studying it the way he studies everything: methodically, thoroughly, with the detached curiosity of a teacher learning a new subject. Except this isn't a new subject. This is his body. This is his life. I called Mamma on Sunday. The weekly call. She said, "How is Paul?" Just like that. No preamble. "How is Paul?" I said, "He's fine, Mamma." She said, "Linda." One word. My name. In the tone that means: don't lie to me. I'm your mother. I've been watching you for fifty-four years. Don't lie. I said, "He has an appointment in January. I'll tell you more when we know more." She said, "All right." She didn't push. She trusts me to tell her when there's something to tell. She trusts me the way she trusts the oven — completely, based on decades of evidence. I made Paul's favorite New Year's dinner: roast pork with crackling. The same meal as last year. The routine. The repetition. The comfort of doing the same thing again because sameness is a small rebellion against the change that's coming. Paul ate the crackling with his right hand, standing at the counter, hot and salty. His left hand was at his side. He didn't use it. I noticed. I noticed everything. Two weeks until the appointment. Two weeks of normal. Two weeks of cooking and eating and walking and sleeping next to each other and pretending that normal is permanent when I know — when the nurse in me knows, when the wife in me knows — that normal ended in a neurologist's office in Minneapolis on December 20 and everything since has been the afterimage, the light you see after the bulb breaks. Two weeks. I'll cook every day. I'll bake. I'll go to church. I'll volunteer at the Damiano Center. I'll call Peter. I'll do the things I've always done because the things I've always done are the only things I know how to do and they'll have to carry me through this. They'll have to carry us both.

I made the roast last year too — and the year before that — and I will keep making pork for Paul as long as I am able to cook and he is able to eat it standing at the counter with his right hand, hot and salty and real. This pulled pork is a little different from my New Year’s crackling, but the spirit is the same: low and slow, patient, coaxed into something tender by time. The slaw is bright and sharp where the pork is deep and warm, and together they remind me that two things can be true at once — the heavy and the hopeful, the quiet and the carrying on.

Sweet and Spicy Pulled Pork with Honey Jalapeño Lime Slaw

Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 8 hours | Total Time: 8 hours 20 minutes | Servings: 8

Ingredients

• For the pork:
• 3–4 lb boneless pork shoulder (butt roast)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon smoked paprika
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (or to taste)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 3 tablespoons honey
• For the honey jalapeño lime slaw:
• 4 cups shredded green cabbage
• 1 cup shredded red cabbage
• 1 jalapeño, seeded and finely minced
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
• 3 tablespoons honey
• 3 tablespoons fresh lime juice (about 2 limes)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Instructions

1. Make the rub. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar, smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, cayenne, salt, and pepper. Pat the pork shoulder dry with paper towels, rub it all over with olive oil, then press the spice rub firmly into every surface.
2. Sear the pork (optional but worth it). Heat a large skillet or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Sear the pork shoulder on all sides until deeply browned, about 3–4 minutes per side. This builds flavor that carries through the long cook.
3. Slow cook. Place the pork in a slow cooker. Whisk together the chicken broth, apple cider vinegar, and honey and pour around (not over) the pork. Cook on low for 8 hours or high for 5–6 hours, until the meat pulls apart easily with two forks.
4. Pull the pork. Remove the pork from the slow cooker and shred it on a cutting board using two forks. Return the shredded meat to the slow cooker and stir it through the cooking juices. Taste and adjust salt.
5. Make the slaw. While the pork rests, combine both cabbages, jalapeño, and cilantro in a large bowl. In a small bowl whisk together honey, lime juice, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Pour the dressing over the slaw and toss well to coat. Let it sit for at least 10 minutes so the cabbage softens slightly and the flavors come together.
6. Serve. Pile the pulled pork high and top generously with the honey jalapeño lime slaw. Serve on its own, over rice, or tucked into soft rolls.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 420 | Protein: 34g | Fat: 18g | Carbs: 28g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 520mg