Vegetarian Buffalo Dip —rsquo; The Cookout Contribution Nobody Questions

Heat dome over Pendleton this week. Hundred-and-five inland. Pre-deployment workups have been ramping up. Ryan was gone Wednesday through Friday for a field exercise.

Caleb, 7, wants to be a firefighter still. Has not deviated. Hazel, 4, chaos incarnate. Put a peanut butter sandwich in the DVD player Wednesday. Showed zero remorse.

Pasta salad for the cookout. Italian dressing. Olives. The standard.

Mom called Sunday. We talked while she was putting up tomatoes from the garden. She is sixty-something and gardening like she is forty. Megan called from D.C.. We talked twenty minutes. The relationship is better now than it was.

Donna would say: dinner at 1800, no exceptions. We did 1800.

Reading another military memoir at night. They make Ryan tense. They steady me. We negotiate. He doesn't ask what I'm reading. I don't tell him. The arrangement works.

Ryan came home tired Wednesday. He showered, ate, sat on the couch, was asleep by eight. Standard for a Marine who has been up since four-thirty for PT and stayed late for a brief. The schedule is the schedule. The body adapts because it has to.

I sat at the kitchen table Tuesday night writing in the journal. Volume 10 now. The handwriting has not gotten neater. The journals are a record of the life I am living, in the moment, in tiny script that I will look back on someday and not be able to read. That is okay. The writing was the thing.

The kitchen counter has a chip in it from someone before us. Some military housing thing. I have stopped asking what. The chip is fine. The whole kitchen is provisional. We are renting from Uncle Sam.

I went to the commissary Saturday morning. Got the grocery haul under sixty bucks for the week, which is a small victory. The cashier knows me. We talked about her grandkids while she scanned the chicken thighs and the family-size box of pasta. Small-town energy on a Marine base in California.

Hazel and I had a hard moment Tuesday at homework time. She is in a season of testing limits. We worked through it. We always do. She is mine.

Wednesday morning meal prep — Sunday afternoon, hours of containers. The freezer is full. The future-me thanks present-me. Donna taught me this routine. Donna's freezer was always full. Donna saved her sanity with quart bags labeled in Sharpie.

Dad called. He has been gardening. He is sending zucchini updates again. The PTSD is managed. He talks more than he used to. He is becoming his own version of healed, which I did not think was possible at fourteen.

My therapy session was Tuesday. We talked about the deployment cycle and the way the body holds dread and the ways the body holds it. The hour passed. The work continues. I have been doing this work for years. The work pays.

Donna sent a recipe card in the mail this week. She has been doing this for years. The recipes go in the binder. The binder is full. The newest one is for a green bean casserole that uses fresh green beans and fried shallots and which I will absolutely make for the next holiday.

Caleb watched the firefighters at a school visit Wednesday and came home buzzing. He is going to be one. I have known this since he was four. Some kids tell you who they are early.

Ryan went to his counselor Wednesday. He always comes home calmer. I am calm too, just from him being calm. The man Torres was killed with — Ryan calls his wife twice a year on Torres's birthday and the anniversary. The military widows are their own community.

The pasta salad was always going to happen — Italian dressing, olives, non-negotiable — but a cookout needs a dip, and this one has earned permanent rotation status in my arsenal. It travels well, it feeds a crowd, it costs almost nothing when you’re already doing a commissary run, and not a single person at a cookout has ever looked at a buffalo dip and asked follow-up questions. Donna would approve. She would probably already have it in a labeled quart bag in her freezer.

Vegetarian Buffalo Dip

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: 35 minutes | Servings: 10

Ingredients

• 2 (8 oz) blocks cream cheese, softened
• 1 cup buffalo sauce (such as Frank’s RedHot)
• 3/4 cup ranch dressing
• 1 (15 oz) can chickpeas, drained, rinsed, and roughly mashed
• 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
• 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
• 1/4 cup blue cheese crumbles (optional)
• 3 green onions, thinly sliced, for garnish
• Tortilla chips, celery sticks, or sliced baguette for serving

Instructions

1. Preheat. Heat oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a 9-inch baking dish or cast iron skillet.
2. Mix the base. In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese until smooth. Add buffalo sauce, ranch dressing, and mashed chickpeas. Stir until fully combined.
3. Add cheese. Fold in 1 1/2 cups of the shredded mozzarella and all of the cheddar. Transfer mixture to the prepared baking dish and spread evenly.
4. Top and bake. Scatter remaining 1/2 cup mozzarella and blue cheese crumbles (if using) over the top. Bake uncovered for 22—25 minutes, until bubbling at the edges and lightly golden on top.
5. Garnish and serve. Let rest 5 minutes. Top with sliced green onions. Serve warm with tortilla chips, celery sticks, or bread. Transport in the baking dish with foil over the top — it holds heat for the drive to the cookout.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 310 | Protein: 9g | Fat: 25g | Carbs: 11g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 810mg