Taste Of Fall Salad

Diane turns forty-two on November seventh. The second birthday without Marlene. The first birthday without Marlene (last year) was in Grinnell, small and overshadowed by the cancer. This birthday is in Des Moines, and the family is here, and the absence is not overshadowed but present, a specific shape at the table, the chair where my mother would have sat, the phone that would have rung at eight AM with her voice and her pot roast advice.

Kevin's gift: a cookbook. "Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat" by Samin Nosrat. The cookbook about why food works, not just how to make it. Kevin said, "I thought you'd like to know why the things you already do work." The gift of understanding what your hands already know. The science behind the muscle memory. The reason the browned butter makes the cookies better, the reason the crust flakes when the butter is cold, the reason the stock improves when it simmers longer. I've been doing these things for twenty years. Now I know why. The knowing doesn't change the doing. The knowing adds a layer. The knowing is the gift.

Jack gave me a jar. Not soil this year — seeds. Seeds from the Marlene cherry tomato, dried and saved and packaged in a small envelope inside a mason jar. The label: "Marlene Cherry Tomato Seeds — Saved by Jack Holloway, 2021." Saved seeds. The thing that Roger does. The thing that farmers have done for ten thousand years. The continuation of the plant, the perpetuation of the name, the agricultural immortality of a woman who taught me to can and whose name now lives on a seed packet in a jar in my kitchen, ready to be planted next spring, ready to grow again, ready to produce the small red fruit that tastes like her and was named for her and will be planted by the boy who loved her and will grow in the garden where the sunflowers grow for her and the cycle, the beautiful unbreakable cycle, continues.

I made pot roast for my birthday dinner. More carrots. The carrots are the candles. The more is the wish.

The pot roast was Marlene’s recipe, and it always will be, and no amount of Samin Nosrat explaining the Maillard reaction will change the fact that it tastes like my mother’s hands. But a birthday table in November needs more than one dish, and I wanted something that looked like the season outside the window—the color of the maples, the weight of the harvest, the feeling of abundance that exists even inside grief. This Taste of Fall Salad was already in my head before I went to the store, and I made it alongside the roast, and it sat on the table in the chair-shaped absence, bright and layered and whole, the way she would have wanted the table to look.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 25 min | Total Time: 45 min | Servings: 6

Ingredients

1 medium butternut squash, peeled and cubed (about 3 cups)
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1/2 teaspoon salt, divided
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
5 oz mixed greens or baby spinach
1 large apple (Honeycrisp or Fuji), thinly sliced
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup candied pecans or walnuts
1/3 cup crumbled gorgonzola or feta cheese
3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

Instructions

Roast the squash. Preheat oven to 400°F. Toss cubed butternut squash with 1 tablespoon olive oil, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and the black pepper. Spread in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet and roast 22–25 minutes, flipping once halfway, until tender and lightly caramelized at the edges. Let cool slightly.
Make the dressing. In a small jar or bowl, whisk together the remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil, apple cider vinegar, maple syrup, Dijon mustard, garlic powder, and remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt until fully combined. Taste and adjust seasoning.
Build the salad. Arrange the mixed greens on a large serving platter or in a wide salad bowl. Scatter the warm roasted squash over the top, followed by the sliced apple, dried cranberries, and candied pecans.
Finish and dress. Crumble the gorgonzola or feta over the salad. Drizzle the dressing over everything just before serving, or pass it alongside so guests can dress their own portions. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Taste Of Fall Salad — The Table She Would Have Sat At