By Thanksgiving planning. The second without Babcia Rose, which means: the traditions are established now, the first year of working it out is behind us, and what we did last year is the template. I am making the cranberry sauce. Patty and I are making the pierogi together on the Tuesday before. Ryan is making the turkey again. We are keeping everything the same because everything the same is what works, is what holds the year together, is what makes the holiday feel like the holiday rather than a rehearsal.
The twins are going to be three in February. Three. I have been thinking about this with the particular feeling of time that you get at these milestones: where did the three years go, and also: of course it has been three years, of course they are this big, of course they talk this well and build this expertly and love each other this completely. They are exactly right for three, approaching three, nearly three. Owen told me this week that when he grows up he is going to be a firefighter AND a builder, which is the correct synthesis of his two current identities. Nora told me she is going to be "a doctor scientist who also does hair," which is a career I had not considered but which seems achievable for her specifically.
Ryan and I talked about the apartment this week. Not urgently, exploratorily. The twins are nearly three. They share a room and they are fine with it now but they will not be fine with it forever. A house is not impossible. It is a thing we are allowed to want and allowed to plan toward. We talked about it for an hour at the kitchen table after the twins were down and it was the conversation of two people who are building something together and can see more of it now than they could at the beginning. We are building something. We have been building something since the first apartment, since the slow cooker on the counter, since the NICU, since the notebook in the drawer. It is visible from here.
I called my mother on Sunday. The call was good. She asked about the master's program and I told her about it and she said: "I always knew you'd do more." It is a complicated thing to receive, that sentence, from her, after everything. I said: thank you. I meant it. The complication is mine to carry. The thank you was real.
With the big roles claimed—Ryan on the turkey, me on the cranberry sauce, Patty and me on the pierogi—I kept thinking there was space for one more thing, something that was just mine and new, not inherited from the template but added to it. Babcia Rose’s table was full of things that had been made a thousand times; ours is getting there, but there is still room to plant something. These pumpkin cheesecake brownies are what I’m bringing this year—fudgy and spiced and a little unexpected, which feels right for a family that is still, quietly, building what we are.
Pumpkin Cheesecake Brownies
Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 35 min | Total Time: 55 min | Servings: 16
Ingredients
- Brownie Layer:
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 2 large eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
- Pumpkin Cheesecake Layer:
- 8 oz cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)
- 1/3 cup granulated sugar
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
- 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
Instructions
- Preheat and prep. Preheat your oven to 350°F. Grease an 8x8-inch baking pan and line it with parchment paper, leaving an overhang on two sides for easy lifting.
- Make the brownie batter. In a medium bowl, whisk melted butter and sugar together until combined. Add eggs and vanilla and whisk until smooth. Stir in cocoa powder, flour, salt, and baking powder until just combined. Do not overmix. Pour batter into the prepared pan and spread into an even layer.
- Make the pumpkin cheesecake layer. In a separate bowl, beat the softened cream cheese with an electric hand mixer or stand mixer until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add pumpkin puree, sugar, egg, vanilla, pumpkin pie spice, and cinnamon. Beat until smooth and well combined.
- Layer and swirl. Spoon the pumpkin cheesecake mixture over the brownie batter in large dollops. Using a butter knife or skewer, gently swirl the two layers together with a figure-eight motion. Do not over-swirl—you want visible ribbons of both layers.
- Bake. Bake for 33–37 minutes, until the center is just set and a toothpick inserted in the brownie portion comes out with moist crumbs (not wet batter). The cheesecake layer should not be jiggly.
- Cool completely. Let the brownies cool in the pan for 30 minutes, then transfer to the refrigerator and chill for at least 1 hour before slicing. This ensures clean cuts and the best texture.
- Slice and serve. Lift out using the parchment overhang, slice into 16 squares, and serve. Store leftovers covered in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 210 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 11g | Carbs: 27g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 95mg