By Snow most of the week. Not a big one — a steady, small, every-day snow that made driving cautious and the world outside look like a black-and-white photograph. I drove Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday. Three slow runs, all within two hundred miles, all refrigerated loads of beef leaving the JBS plant in Grand Island for distribution centers. The roads were clear in spots and treacherous in others. I have driven this weather for 24 winters. My hands know. My hands knew.
The first interior page designs came Thursday from the publisher. A stack of PDFs. I looked at them on Dave's laptop at the kitchen table with Amber at my elbow because Amber has the better eye for design and has been my unofficial art director since October. She pointed out things I would not have noticed — a chapter opener that needed more white space, a pull quote that was the wrong weight, a photograph caption that should be longer. I emailed Sarah with Amber's notes. Sarah wrote back: "Tell your daughter she should work in publishing." I told her. Amber said, "I will stick with social work." We laughed. But she saved me three rounds of design changes. The book is going to be better because my kid has taste.
Josie had a math test Wednesday that she was nervous about. I quizzed her at dinner Tuesday — fractions, multiplication, the dreaded long division — and she got most of them right but a few wrong, and we went through the wrong ones together. Wednesday after school she came running in the back door and she said, "I got a 94!" I said, "Baby, that's wonderful." She said, "I knew every one of the wrong ones because of you." I said, "You knew them because of you." She said, "Whatever, Mom." Eleven-year-old modesty with eleven-year-old pride. They coexist.
Justin had his last formal basketball game of the season Friday — GISH doesn't let football players play basketball in regular rotation but he plays on the reserve JV team for conditioning. He scored six points. He fouled out in the third quarter. He was happy. Everything in Justin's emotional life is about Justin-and-the-game, and when Justin is happy after a game I know it is because he ran hard. Running is his prayer.
I made meat loaf Sunday — Gayle's version, with oats, the way Larry liked it — and the kids ate it and Dave ate it and we had leftovers for sandwiches in my truck Monday. I thought about my father. I do that every week now. I used to do it every day. I have come to believe that grief thins out not by becoming less but by spreading across more time. He is still in my kitchen. He is in the oats. He is in the sentence I just wrote. Some people die and they go away. Larry did not go away. Larry got distributed.
I made the meat loaf that Sunday because it was Larry’s recipe, and sometimes you cook the dead back into the room — but the honey glazed ham is what I reach for when I want the whole table loud and full and present, when I want Dave to go back for seconds and the kids to argue over the last of it. If you’re feeding a family through a long winter week, through math tests and basketball fouls and slow snowy roads, this is the kind of main dish that holds everything together. It’s sweet and savory and it makes the whole house smell like Sunday is worth something.
Honey Glazed Ham
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 2 hrs 30 min | Total Time: 2 hrs 45 min | Servings: 10–12
Ingredients
- 1 fully cooked bone-in ham (7–9 lbs)
- 1/2 cup honey
- 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
- 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
- 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- Whole cloves for studding (optional)
Instructions
- Preheat oven. Heat your oven to 325°F. Remove the ham from refrigerator about 30 minutes before cooking to take the chill off.
- Score and stud. Place the ham cut-side down in a roasting pan. Using a sharp knife, score the surface in a diamond pattern about 1/4 inch deep. If desired, press a whole clove into the center of each diamond.
- Make the glaze. In a small saucepan over medium-low heat, whisk together the honey, brown sugar, Dijon mustard, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon, ground cloves, and black pepper. Stir until the sugar dissolves and the glaze is smooth, about 3–4 minutes. Remove from heat.
- First glaze and roast. Brush about one-third of the glaze generously over the scored ham. Cover loosely with foil and roast for 1 hour 45 minutes, or about 15 minutes per pound.
- Glaze and finish uncovered. Remove the foil. Brush the ham with another third of the glaze. Return to oven uncovered and roast an additional 30–45 minutes, brushing with remaining glaze every 15 minutes, until the surface is deep golden and caramelized and an internal thermometer reads 140°F.
- Rest before slicing. Remove from oven and tent loosely with foil. Let the ham rest 15 minutes before carving. This keeps the juices where they belong — in the meat.
- Serve. Carve and arrange on a platter. Spoon any pan drippings over the slices before bringing to the table.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 390 | Protein: 34g | Fat: 14g | Carbs: 18g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 1420mg