Crustless Pineapple Pie

One year Saturday, August 3rd.

I did not sleep Friday night. I got up at 4:30 and made coffee and sat at the kitchen table in the dark until the light came. I thought about him. I thought about the last breath, the exact minute, 11:47 AM. I thought about how the hospice nurse closed his eyes, gently, with two fingers. I thought about Liam and Nora in the living room that afternoon, small, not understanding, and the way Nora kept asking for a snack.

At 9 I woke the kids. I said today is a year since Daddy died. We are going to do some things. They nodded.

At 10 we went to the cemetery. I had brought flowers — blue hydrangeas, his favorite. Liam put a Red Sox patch on the headstone (he had saved it for this day, from the Fenway trip with Brian). Nora put a small rock she had painted blue and yellow. She said it is a pretty rock. I said yes.

I read him a letter out loud. Two pages, brown leather notebook, written the night before. I will not write it here. It is his.

At 12 we met Ma and Dad and Meghan and Brian and Patrick and Colleen and Sean III at Ma's. She had made Sean's favorite dinner — pot roast, roasted potatoes, carrots, gravy, a cheesecake with strawberries for dessert (his favorite). We ate. Everyone told a Sean story. Ma went first. She told about the first time he came to Sunday dinner in 2015, nervous, wearing a shirt and tie, how he stood up when she walked in. Dad told about Sean at my engagement dinner, on his feet, toast. Meghan told about a Christmas Eve game of Pictionary where Sean drew a spectacular fish that nobody could guess. Patrick told about Sean teaching him the opening to the Constitution when Patrick was studying for the FD exam.

Liam said Daddy made the best pancakes. I said yes he did. Nora said Daddy is in the sky with wings. I said yes he is.

We ate the cheesecake. We cried together. It was not a bad day. It was a full day.

Meghan called Sunday night at 11. She said Katie. I said Meg. She said you did it. I said we did it.

Saturday pancakes before the cemetery. Burned the first one. I put it on the blue plate and brought it with me to the cemetery. I left it on the headstone. I know that is strange. I do not care.

Food of the week: cheesecake with strawberries. Sean's favorite. Ma's recipe, graham crust, cream cheese, sour cream, sugar, eggs. A long bake. A long cool. A long love.

Ma’s cheesecake was Sean’s, and it will always be Sean’s — that recipe belongs to him and to her and to that table. But the week after, when the kids were back in their routines and the house was quiet again and I needed something sweet that I could actually make myself, something gentle and a little golden and not too much, I made this crustless pineapple pie. It is the kind of dessert that asks almost nothing of you, which is exactly what I needed. It is soft and bright and a little unexpected, and it reminded me that a day can be devastating and still have something good in it.

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 45 minutes | Total Time: 55 minutes | Servings: 8

Ingredients

2 eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
1 can (20 oz) crushed pineapple, well drained
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions

Preheat. Heat your oven to 350°F. Grease a 9-inch pie plate with butter or nonstick spray.
Mix the batter. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and sugar together until pale and slightly thickened, about 1 minute. Add the melted butter and vanilla and whisk to combine.
Add dry ingredients. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt until just combined — don’t overmix.
Fold in pineapple. Gently fold the drained crushed pineapple into the batter. The mixture will be loose; that’s right.
Bake. Pour the batter into the prepared pie plate. Bake for 40–45 minutes, until the top is deep golden and the center is just set (a toothpick inserted near the center should come out clean).
Cool. Let the pie cool in the plate for at least 20 minutes before slicing. It will firm up as it cools. Serve warm or at room temperature, plain or with a small spoonful of whipped cream.

Nutrition (per serving)

Crustless Pineapple Pie — For the Days That Are Full and Hard and Yours