Cream Cheese Apple Cake

First week of March and I went back to Mobile a third time on Saturday. I want to be honest about why I keep going: I am not sure I can explain it in a way that makes complete sense, but going feels necessary in the way that looking at something difficult is necessary before you can decide what to do about it.

I walked into the Quick-Mart and bought a cup of coffee from the machine at the counter and the woman with my eyes was behind the register and she said two dollars fifty and I paid and she gave me my change and our hands were close enough that I could see her hands clearly. They are not like my hands. Mine are wider. I have always had wide hands, wider than you would expect for someone my size, and hers are narrow, and I noticed that with something that is difficult to name. She is not me. She is a woman I came from and we are different people. That is something I needed to see.

I am almost ready to say something. Not yet. But almost. I can feel it the way you feel a decision when it has been made without you fully knowing it, when your body already knows and your mind is catching up.

I made a citrus tart this week, the lemon cream version I have been refining, and I added more zest the way Gloria told me to and it was right this time, the lemon sharpening everything to exactly the right edge. Sometimes the adjustment is the whole answer. Sometimes you just need to add more zest.

The lemon cream tart I made this week was the version that finally worked — and it reminded me that all the recipes I keep coming back to are the ones that required that kind of patience, that willingness to adjust one thing and wait and see. This cream cheese apple cake is another one of those. The cream cheese does what lemon zest does in a tart: it sharpens the sweetness, gives the whole thing an edge that makes you pay attention. I kept coming back to it the same way I keep going back to Mobile — because something in me needed to see it through.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 55 min | Total Time: 1 hr 15 min | Servings: 12

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup whole milk
2 medium apples, peeled, cored, and diced (about 2 cups)
1 tablespoon lemon zest
2 tablespoons brown sugar (for topping)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (for topping)

Instructions

Preheat and prepare. Preheat your oven to 350°F. Grease a 9x13-inch baking pan and lightly dust with flour, tapping out any excess.
Mix dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Set aside.
Cream butter and cream cheese. In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese and butter together with an electric mixer on medium speed until smooth and well combined, about 2 minutes. Add the granulated sugar and beat until light and fluffy, another 2–3 minutes.
Add eggs and vanilla. Beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla extract and lemon zest.
Combine wet and dry. Reduce mixer speed to low and add the flour mixture in three additions, alternating with the milk (begin and end with flour). Mix just until combined — do not overmix.
Fold in apples. Using a spatula, gently fold the diced apples into the batter until evenly distributed.
Top and bake. Spread the batter evenly into the prepared pan. In a small bowl, stir together the brown sugar and remaining 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon and sprinkle evenly over the top. Bake for 50–55 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean and the top is golden.
Cool before slicing. Allow the cake to cool in the pan for at least 15 minutes before cutting into squares and serving. The cream cheese keeps it moist for several days at room temperature, loosely covered.

Nutrition (per serving)

Cream Cheese Apple Cake — When the Zest Finally Gets It Right