By Megan marries her lobbyist boyfriend in a fancy Arlington wedding. Rachel is maid of honor. The contrast between their lives is stark — Megan's four-bedroom house, Rachel's base housing. Rachel doesn't let it bother her. Much.
Donna sent a recipe card in the mail this week. She has been doing this for years. The recipes go in the binder. The binder is full. The newest one is for a green bean casserole that uses fresh green beans and fried shallots and which I will absolutely make for the next holiday.
The military spouses' Facebook group had a small drama this week. Two women fighting over the playgroup schedule. I muted notifications and cooked dinner. Some weeks the group is the lifeline. Some weeks it is the source of unnecessary stress. The skill is knowing which week you're in.
My therapy session was Tuesday. We talked about the deployment cycle and the way the body holds dread and the ways the body holds it. The hour passed. The work continues. I have been doing this work for years. The work pays.
The PCS rumors are starting again. The official orders will come in a few months. We could move. We could stay. The waiting is the worst part. Three years here and I have learned to not put down deep roots in any military town. Nineteen-year-old me would not have believed how good I have gotten at packing.
The kitchen counter has a chip in it from someone before us. Some military housing thing. I have stopped asking what. The chip is fine. The whole kitchen is provisional. We are renting from Uncle Sam.
Ryan came home tired Wednesday. He showered, ate, sat on the couch, was asleep by eight. Standard for a Marine who has been up since four-thirty for PT and stayed late for a brief. The schedule is the schedule. The body adapts because it has to.
I sat at the kitchen table Tuesday night writing in the journal. Volume 10 now. The handwriting has not gotten neater. The journals are a record of the life I am living, in the moment, in tiny script that I will look back on someday and not be able to read. That is okay. The writing was the thing.
Caleb's school had a fundraiser this week. I baked cookies because I always bake cookies. The cookies were the standard chocolate chip. They sold out in twenty minutes. I am the cookie mom of this PTO and I have stopped fighting it.
Reading another military memoir at night. They make Ryan tense. They steady me. We negotiate. He doesn't ask what I'm reading. I don't tell him. The arrangement works.
The kids' soccer game was Saturday morning. The other parents brought oranges and Capri Suns. I brought a thermos of coffee for myself and a folding chair I bought at Target three years ago that has been to four duty stations now. The chair is a more loyal companion than some of my friends.
Base housing is base housing. Beige walls, beige carpet, beige expectations. The dryer venting is in a stupid place. The kitchen has no dishwasher. We make it work.
I read the blog comments at the kitchen table with my coffee. A young spouse in Lejeune emailed me about deployment cooking. I wrote her back at length. I told her about the freezer. I told her about Donna. I told her she would survive. I sent her three of Donna's recipes.
I went to the commissary Saturday morning. Got the grocery haul under sixty bucks for the week, which is a small victory. The cashier knows me. We talked about her grandkids while she scanned the chicken thighs and the family-size box of pasta. Small-town energy on a Marine base in California.
The chocolate chip cookies sold out in twenty minutes, which felt good and also felt like a dare. I’ve been the cookie mom for three duty stations now, and there’s a part of me that wants to show up with something that makes people stop and ask what they are — something that has a little more to say than standard chocolate chip, even if the week behind it was anything but standard. Cannoli cookies are what I’ve been making when I need the baking to feel like a choice, not just a reflex. They taste like something you’d bring to a fancy Arlington wedding and also like something you mixed up in a provisional kitchen with a chipped counter, which is exactly the range I need right now.
Cannoli Cookies
Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 14 min | Total Time: 34 min (plus 1 hour chill time) | Servings: 24 cookies
Ingredients
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 cup whole-milk ricotta cheese
- 3/4 cup mini chocolate chips, divided
- 1/2 cup powdered sugar, for dusting
- Optional: 2 tablespoons chopped pistachios for topping
Instructions
- Whisk dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt. Set aside.
- Cream butter and sugar. In a large bowl, beat the softened butter and granulated sugar together with a hand mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 2–3 minutes.
- Add wet ingredients. Beat in the egg and vanilla extract until fully combined. Add the ricotta cheese and mix on low until just incorporated — the dough will look slightly lumpy and soft.
- Combine and fold. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and stir with a spatula until a soft dough forms. Fold in 1/2 cup of the mini chocolate chips.
- Chill the dough. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. The dough needs to firm up or the cookies will spread too much.
- Preheat and prepare. Heat the oven to 350°F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
- Scoop and bake. Drop rounded tablespoons of dough onto the prepared baking sheets, spacing them about 2 inches apart. Bake for 12–14 minutes, until the edges are just set and the bottoms are lightly golden. The centers should still look slightly underdone — they’ll firm up as they cool.
- Cool and finish. Let cookies rest on the baking sheet for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Once cool, dust generously with powdered sugar, press a few of the remaining mini chocolate chips onto the top of each cookie, and scatter chopped pistachios if using.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 138 | Protein: 2g | Fat: 6g | Carbs: 19g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 55mg