By Second week of March. The peas are under the soil doing their invisible work. The garden has the particular quality of March: everything happening underground that won't be visible for weeks. This requires trust. Gardening is almost entirely trust — you do the preparation, you put the seed in, and then you wait with the understanding that the work is continuing even when you cannot see it. I have been doing this long enough to have the trust. I didn't always. When I was young I would check the soil every few days, which is both futile and disrespectful to the process.
I have been thinking about a letter I have not written yet. Not the one for Caleb — that one is in the cedar box. A different one: to whoever reads these entries years from now. I have been writing in this form since Marcus was sick, since before he died, and I have the boxes of notebooks at the back of the closet shelf and I have wondered lately what to do with them. Not publish them — that has never been the point. But give them to Destiny, maybe. Give them to CJ and Shanice to give to Caleb. Give them to whoever in this family will be the one who holds the history and keeps the story straight. Someone always is. There is always one person in a family who keeps the story straight. I think I have been that person. I think Destiny might be the next one, or Caleb might be, depending on who he becomes, which I don't yet know, which I find I am completely comfortable not yet knowing. The peas are underground. Wait for the green.
There’s something about a slow-cooked apple butter that has always felt like keeping faith — you start it, you tend it, and then you trust the heat to do what heat does over time. The notebooks at the back of my closet are the same way: years of tending, with no certainty about who they’ll reach or what they’ll mean to that person. Apple butter doesn’t announce itself; it just quietly becomes what it always was going to be. That felt right for a March afternoon when the peas are underground and I’m sitting with questions I’m in no hurry to answer.
Apple Butter
Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 4 hours | Total Time: 4 hours 20 minutes | Servings: 48 (about 3 half-pint jars)
Ingredients
- 5 1/2 pounds apples (a mix of Fuji and Granny Smith works well), peeled, cored, and chopped
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
- 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
- 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
- 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
- 1/4 teaspoon allspice
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Instructions
- Prepare the apples. Peel, core, and roughly chop all the apples into 1-inch pieces. Place them in a large heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven.
- Add the flavoring. Stir in both sugars, the apple cider vinegar, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, allspice, and salt. Toss to combine so the apples are evenly coated.
- Cook down. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring frequently. Once boiling, reduce heat to medium-low. Cook uncovered, stirring every 15 to 20 minutes, for about 1 hour until the apples have completely softened and begun to break down.
- Blend smooth. Use an immersion blender directly in the pot (or transfer in batches to a blender) to puree the apple mixture until completely smooth.
- Slow the simmer. Return the pureed mixture to low heat. Continue cooking uncovered, stirring every 20 to 30 minutes, for 2 1/2 to 3 more hours. The butter is ready when it holds its shape on a spoon and a dollop placed on a cold plate shows no ring of liquid separating from the edges.
- Finish. Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla extract. Taste and adjust spices if desired.
- Store or can. Ladle into clean half-pint jars. For refrigerator storage, cool completely and refrigerate for up to 3 weeks. For longer storage, process jars in a boiling-water bath canner for 10 minutes. Spread on toast, biscuits, or warm Amish bread.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 42 | Protein: 0g | Fat: 0g | Carbs: 11g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 13mg