Wholesome Wheat Bread

Two weeks. The acute part is settling into the chronic part, which is the part that does not go away but which stops occupying every moment. Patty is okay. Steve is okay. Dziadek Wally is not okay — he is ninety-three and he has lost the person he has been married to since they were both young and that loss is different from any other loss — but he is here, and he is eating, and he came to Sunday dinner last week and sat in the chair next to hers and did not say much and nobody asked him to.

I took out the spiral notebook on Tuesday. I had been looking at it in the drawer every day but not opening it. I opened it Tuesday and sat at the kitchen table and read it. The handwriting is hers, the Polish notes in the margins are hers, the notes that say "enough flour" and "not too much" and "taste and fix" are hers in the most particular way, the way that cooking instruction is not information but presence, the hand behind the instruction still reaching through the page.

I made the mushroom soup from the notebook. Not the one I make from memory, her version from the notebook, which is different: dried mushrooms from the Polish grocery, the soaking water kept and used, caraway seeds, a bay leaf, a little cream at the end. I stood at the stove and cooked it and I thought about her kitchen, which always smelled like dried mushrooms and old wood and the bay laurel she kept in a jar, and I cooked her soup in my kitchen and it was close but not the same, and close is something, close is worth having, close is where I will start.

Owen brought me a toy car on Tuesday when I was sitting at the table after reading the notebook. He put it on the table in front of me and looked at me and said "Mama" and I picked him up and held him and he was very patient about this, which is Owen entirely, patient about the things that need patience.

The mushroom soup was the first thing, and it was right that it was the first thing — it was on the first page she’d opened to, and it was the one I already half-knew. But there are more pages. The notebook is thick and the recipes in it are the kind of recipes that anchor a kitchen: soups, breads, things that take time and fill the house with a smell that means something. I made this wheat bread the following Saturday, the morning Owen napped long and the house was quiet. It is the kind of bread that asks you to stay close to it, to be present with it, which is exactly what I needed to be asked to do.

Prep Time: 20 minutes + 1 hour 30 minutes rise | Cook Time: 35 minutes | Total Time: 2 hours 25 minutes | Servings: 12 slices

Ingredients

1 1/4 cups warm water (110°F), divided
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast (1 packet)
2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for kneading
1 tablespoon olive oil (for bowl)

Instructions

Activate the yeast. Combine 1/4 cup of the warm water with the honey and yeast in a large bowl. Stir gently and let sit for 5–10 minutes until foamy.
Mix the dough. Add the remaining 1 cup warm water, softened butter, and salt to the yeast mixture. Add the whole wheat flour and stir until combined. Add the all-purpose flour a half cup at a time, stirring until a shaggy dough forms.
Knead. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 8–10 minutes until smooth and elastic, adding flour a little at a time if the dough sticks. The dough should spring back slowly when poked.
First rise. Lightly coat a clean bowl with the olive oil. Place the dough in the bowl, turn to coat, and cover with a damp towel or plastic wrap. Set in a warm spot and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour.
Shape. Punch the dough down gently. Shape it into a log and place it in a greased 9x5-inch loaf pan. Tuck the ends under and press gently to fill the pan evenly.
Second rise. Cover loosely and let rise again in a warm spot until the dough crests about 1 inch above the rim of the pan, 25–35 minutes. Preheat the oven to 375°F during this time.
Bake. Bake for 30–35 minutes until the top is deep golden brown and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped on the bottom. If the top is browning too quickly, tent loosely with foil after 20 minutes.
Cool. Remove from the pan and cool on a wire rack for at least 20 minutes before slicing. The interior continues to set as it cools.

Nutrition (per serving)

Wholesome Wheat Bread — The Notebook Was Full of Things Like This