Wagon Wheel Pasta Salad -- Something Cold to Hold Onto

Thirteen weeks. The normal range is four to six months. I am at the three-month mark. I am trying not to read anything into the silence. The silence is not a signal. The silence is the shape of an administrative process that has no obligation to my timeline.

The week was dry. Work was meetings. James had a launch at Microsoft that consumed him — late nights, weekend calls, the whole machine. We ate a lot of takeout. I made makguksu once — buckwheat noodles in cold broth with vinegar and gochugaru and pickled radish, a dish from Gangwon Province that I have been attempting with mixed success since February. This batch was the best yet. I am slowly getting the ratios.

Dr. Yoon came back from vacation this week and we talked for most of the session about the Jisoo daydream. I have been building a fantasy of what the reunion will look like, and Dr. Yoon wanted to poke it. She said, "Tell me what you're imagining." I said, "A video call. She cries. I cry. We figure it out from there." She said, "And what if she doesn't cry?" I said, "She'll cry. I've read accounts of other reunions. They all cry." She said, "What if she doesn't want contact?" I said, "Then she doesn't." She said, "Have you prepared for that?" I said, "No." She said, "Maybe prepare for it. Not because it's likely. Because resilience comes from preparation." I am preparing for the version where Jisoo does not want contact. It is harder to sit with than I expected.

Karen called twice this week — once to complain that David bought the wrong kind of coffee, once to tell me that the tomato plants she planted the day of the diagnosis have their first blossoms. The second call ended with her saying, "I'm going to make enough sauce this year to last through winter." I hope she does. I will help.

Kevin is fourteen months sober tomorrow. He did not mention it. I wrote it on my calendar. I will call him next week.

James's launch went live on Friday at 3 AM Pacific. He came to bed at 4. He said, "It's done," and was asleep before I could answer. I got up at 6, made him breakfast he did not eat until noon, and let him sleep. He came into the kitchen at 1 PM and said, "Marry me." I said, "Are you serious or is that launch delirium?" He said, "Both." I said, "Ask me when you've been awake for twelve hours and still mean it." He said, "Okay." He went back to sleep. He is serious. I know he is. I am mostly serious. The question is the timing. The question is always the timing.

The recipe this week is makguksu. Cold, sharp, clean. A dish you eat when the weather is warm and the waiting is long and the body needs something sharp. The vinegar wakes you up. The noodles remind you that you are still in your life. The pickled radish gives you crunch. Sometimes that is all the week asks of a meal.

Makguksu was mine this week — specific to me, specific to what I’m waiting for — but what I keep returning to when I think about cold noodles and long weeks is the idea of something sharp enough to wake you up without demanding anything from you. The Wagon Wheel Pasta Salad is the version of that I can share: cold, tossed in tangy Italian dressing, full of crunch, and ready to sit in the fridge until someone needs it. It is the kind of dish you make when the week has been meetings and late nights and unanswered questions, and you still want something on the table that feels like effort without costing what you don’t have.

Wagon Wheel Pasta Salad

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 10 min | Total Time: 30 min (plus 1 hr chilling) | Servings: 8

Ingredients

• 12 oz wagon wheel pasta (rotelle)
• 1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
• 1 medium cucumber, quartered and sliced
• 1 medium red bell pepper, diced
• 1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup black olives, sliced
• 3 oz pepperoni slices, halved (optional)
• 1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
• 3/4 cup Italian dressing, plus more to taste
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• Salt and black pepper to taste
• Fresh parsley, chopped, for garnish

Instructions

1. Cook the pasta. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook the wagon wheel pasta according to package directions until al dente. Drain, rinse under cold water until fully cooled, and drain well.
2. Prep the vegetables. While the pasta cooks, halve the cherry tomatoes, dice the bell pepper, slice the cucumber and olives, and thinly slice the red onion. Set aside.
3. Combine. In a large mixing bowl, combine the cooled pasta, tomatoes, cucumber, bell pepper, red onion, olives, and pepperoni if using. Toss to distribute evenly.
4. Dress and season. Pour 3/4 cup Italian dressing over the salad. Add oregano, garlic powder, salt, and pepper. Toss well to coat everything. Taste and add more dressing if needed — the pasta will absorb some as it chills.
5. Add the cheese. Fold in the shredded Parmesan. Reserve a small amount to sprinkle on top before serving.
6. Chill. Cover the bowl and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Toss once more before serving and adjust seasoning. Garnish with fresh parsley and reserved Parmesan.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 320 | Protein: 11g | Fat: 14g | Carbs: 38g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 520mg