By Three weeks until the end. The seniors are graduating. The faculty is planning a retirement event that I have asked them not to plan and that they are planning anyway, because teachers are as stubborn as the students they teach, and the stubbornness is mutual, and the mutual stubbornness is, in its way, the most beautiful thing about this profession. I cannot stop them from honoring me. I can only ask that the honoring include food, because a retirement party without food is a meeting, and Ruth Feldman does not attend meetings.
I am finishing "The Great Gatsby" with my juniors for the last time. The green light. The dock. The reaching. Gatsby reaching for the thing he cannot have, the past that is already gone, the dream that was always a mirage. I have taught this ending thirty-eight times and it still gets me — the reaching, the believing, the impossibility of it. "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." I read it aloud to my students and my voice caught on "ceaselessly" and I stopped and a girl in the front row said, "Mrs. Feldman, are you okay?" and I said, "I'm fine. Fitzgerald just does that to me." She said, "Me too." And there it was — the connection, the spark, the moment when a teacher and a student look at the same sentence and feel the same thing. Thirty-eight years of that spark. Thirty-eight years of that feeling. Three weeks left.
I made a lemon tart — delicate, precise, the pastry crisp and the filling smooth and the whole thing assembled with the care of a woman who needs to make something perfect in a week that is imperfect and ending. The tart was perfect. Some things are still within my control. The lemon tart is one of them. Fitzgerald is another. Gatsby still reaches. Ruth still teaches. For three more weeks.
I said the lemon tart was within my control, and it was — but I made these vanilla cookies the very next afternoon, because one perfect thing leads to another, and I needed to keep making things that came out the way I intended. There is something about a simple, precise recipe — measured, assembled, baked to exactly done — that steadies a person when the larger things refuse to be controlled. Thirty-eight years of students, and now cookies. Both require patience. Both reward care.
Vanilla Cookies
Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 12 minutes | Total Time: 27 minutes | Servings: 24 cookies
Ingredients
- 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 cup powdered sugar
- 2 large eggs
- 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste (optional, for deeper flavor)
Instructions
- Preheat and prepare. Heat your oven to 350°F (175°C). Line two baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.
- Whisk the dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt until evenly combined. Set aside.
- Cream the butter and sugars. In a large bowl using a hand mixer or stand mixer on medium speed, beat the softened butter with the granulated sugar and powdered sugar for 2 to 3 minutes, until light and fluffy.
- Add eggs and vanilla. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix in the vanilla extract and vanilla bean paste, if using, until fully incorporated.
- Combine. Reduce the mixer to low and gradually add the dry ingredients, mixing just until a smooth dough forms. Do not overmix.
- Portion the dough. Using a tablespoon or small cookie scoop, roll the dough into 1-inch balls and place them 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. Gently flatten each ball with the palm of your hand or the bottom of a glass.
- Bake. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, until the edges are just set and the centers look barely underdone. They will firm as they cool — do not overbake.
- Cool. Allow the cookies to rest on the baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 148 | Protein: 2g | Fat: 8g | Carbs: 18g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 72mg