Ultimate Scalloped Potatoes

The second week after cycle 2 was harder than expected. Sean did not bounce back the way he had from cycle 1. His appetite stayed low through Tuesday. He lost two pounds. Dr. Pei adjusted the anti-emetic regimen on Wednesday and things improved by Friday. He ate a full dinner Saturday. He is back to the chicken pot pie leftovers. His weight is stable now at four pounds below his baseline, which is tolerable but is something we are watching.

I am studying on the couch next to him in the evenings. He reads. I read. We are quiet. Sometimes he will close his book and look at me and say something small. Tuesday night: "Kate. The light on your face from the lamp." That was the whole sentence. He was noting the light on my face. I said "yes?" He said "it is beautiful." I said "thank you, Sean." He did not say more. He went back to his book. I put my hand on his knee. We read.

I have started saving these small moments. Not for the nightstand notebook this time — for a different notebook, which I bought at the hardware store Thursday. Small brown leather cover. Blank pages. I am writing down the things he says. The small, accidental, in-passing things. The fragments of a man I am about to lose. I have not named this notebook. It does not need a name. It is a notebook. I write in it at night.

The second letter to Liam was written Thursday — his seventh birthday. 380 words. The birthday letters are each a short, specific address. "When you are seven, you will probably be starting second grade." "I hope you know how to ride a bike." "I hope Mommy has taken you to Fenway." "Remember that Daddy loved you when you were small." Each letter ends "Love, Dad." I am typing them. I am not changing his words. I am preserving them. His syntax. His specific wording. This is his voice. I am keeping it.

Liam has started to get restless at preschool. He pushed a girl Tuesday. He had not been the one who started it, per the teacher's report, but he had been the one who made physical contact. Miss Alicia talked to him. He apologized. I talked to him at home. I asked what had been going on. He said "I don't know." I said "sometimes when we have big feelings we move them into our hands. Does that happen sometimes." He said "maybe." I said "when you feel big, you can go to Miss Alicia. You can sit on the reading carpet. You can ask me if we can talk on the phone. You can take three breaths." He said "three breaths." I said "yes." He practiced them. He took three breaths. He said "okay." He is four and a half. He is processing something that has no words. I am watching it. I am supporting him. I am going to make sure he has help if he needs it beyond me.

Nora is her own island of stability. She eats, she sleeps, she plays, she says "wuff yoo" to everyone. I am grateful for her calm.

When Sean’s appetite finally came back Friday and held through Saturday, I wanted to have something on hand that was soft and warm and easy for him to eat — something that did not ask anything of him. Scalloped potatoes have been that dish for us this stretch: simple starch, a little cream, nothing sharp or demanding. I made a pan on Sunday while he read on the couch and I studied beside him, and I have made it twice since. It is not a dramatic recipe. That is exactly why it belongs here.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 1 hr 10 min | Total Time: 1 hr 30 min | Servings: 6

Ingredients

2 1/2 lbs Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/8-inch thick
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 small yellow onion, finely diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups whole milk, warmed
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth
1 cup heavy cream
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 cup shredded Gruyère or sharp white cheddar cheese, divided
Fresh thyme, optional, for garnish

Instructions

Preheat the oven. Heat oven to 375°F. Lightly butter a 9x13-inch baking dish and set aside.
Make the sauce. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the diced onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute more. Whisk in the flour and cook, stirring constantly, for 1 to 2 minutes until the mixture smells slightly nutty.
Add the liquid. Slowly pour in the warmed milk, chicken broth, and heavy cream, whisking constantly to prevent lumps. Bring to a gentle simmer and cook, stirring frequently, until the sauce thickens enough to coat the back of a spoon, about 5 to 7 minutes. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Remove from heat and stir in 3/4 cup of the shredded cheese until melted and smooth.
Layer the potatoes. Arrange half the potato slices in an even, overlapping layer in the prepared baking dish. Pour half the sauce evenly over the potatoes. Repeat with the remaining potatoes and the remaining sauce. Scatter the reserved 1/4 cup cheese over the top.
Bake covered. Cover the dish tightly with foil and bake for 45 minutes, until the potatoes are just beginning to turn tender when pierced with a knife.
Bake uncovered. Remove the foil and continue baking for 20 to 25 minutes, until the top is golden and bubbling and the potatoes are completely tender.
Rest before serving. Remove from the oven and let the pan rest for 10 minutes before serving. This allows the sauce to set slightly. Garnish with fresh thyme if using.

Nutrition (per serving)

Ultimate Scalloped Potatoes — Something Warm to Hold the Week Together