Dinner Rolls — The Bread That Carries the Chain Forward

The writing has reached a milestone — I have a complete first draft of the first chapter, the chapter about Sylvia's kitchen. Twenty-two pages, handwritten, in the journal Rebecca gave me. I typed it on the computer on Sunday — slowly, two-fingered, the way I have typed for sixty-five years, because I never learned to type properly, which is the most embarrassing admission a woman who taught English for forty-three years can make — and I read it on the screen and I thought: this is good. This is really good. This is the chapter about the kitchen on the Grand Concourse and the brisket and the matzo ball soup and the woman who made them and the daughter who watched and learned and carried the recipes forward, and the chapter is good, and the goodness is both a surprise and a confirmation, because I have been telling myself I could write a book for fifty years and I have finally told myself the truth: I can. I can write a book. The proof is twenty-two pages long and it's about my mother and it's good.

I read the chapter to Rebecca over the phone. She was quiet for a long time — her thinking quiet, the quiet that means she is processing something important. Then she said, "Mama. This is the book I've been waiting for you to write since I was twelve." I said, "Is it good enough?" She said, "It's better than good enough. It's necessary." Necessary. My daughter the literature professor called my writing necessary. Sylvia would have said, "It's fine." Sylvia would have meant: it's magnificent. Rebecca said it plainly. The Feldman women are evolving. We say what we mean now. Or at least Rebecca does. I'm still working on it.

I brought the chapter to Marvin. I read it to him in his room, sitting in the visitor's chair, the pages on my lap. He listened. He didn't understand. But he heard my voice reading my words about my mother's kitchen, and the sound of my voice is the thing he can still receive, the last channel, the final frequency, and I read to him because reading to him is the love, and the love is the chapter, and the chapter is the book, and the book is the chain, and the chain doesn't break.

After I read those twenty-two pages back to myself and heard what they were — really heard them — I needed to do something with my hands. Writing is a seated, interior act, and completing something that has been unfinished for fifty years calls for bread: the kneading, the rising, the smell that fills a kitchen the way my mother’s kitchen smelled on a Friday afternoon. Sylvia made challah, and I am not yet ready to attempt challah alone, so I made these dinner rolls instead — small, warm, honest things that pull apart softly, the way a good chapter should, leaving you wanting more.

Dinner Rolls

Prep Time: 20 minutes + 1 hour 30 minutes rising | Cook Time: 18 minutes | Total Time: 2 hours 10 minutes | Servings: 16 rolls

Ingredients

• 1 cup warm whole milk (110°F)
• 2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast (one standard packet)
• 2 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided
• 3 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for kneading
• 1 teaspoon fine salt
• 2 large eggs, divided (1 for dough, 1 for egg wash)
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened, plus more for the pan
• 1 tablespoon water (for egg wash)
• Flaky sea salt, for topping (optional)

Instructions

1. Proof the yeast. In a large bowl, combine the warm milk, yeast, and 1 tablespoon of the sugar. Stir gently and let sit for 5 to 10 minutes until the mixture looks foamy and active.
2. Make the dough. Add the remaining 1 tablespoon sugar, 1 egg, softened butter, and salt to the yeast mixture. Stir to combine. Add the flour one cup at a time, mixing after each addition, until a shaggy dough forms.
3. Knead. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 8 to 10 minutes, until the dough is smooth, elastic, and just slightly tacky. Add flour a tablespoon at a time only if the dough is sticking badly.
4. First rise. Shape the dough into a ball and place it in a lightly buttered bowl, turning once to coat. Cover with a clean kitchen towel or plastic wrap and let rise in a warm spot for about 1 hour, until doubled in size.
5. Shape the rolls. Punch down the dough and turn it out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide into 16 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a smooth ball by cupping your hand over it and moving in a tight circular motion against the surface. Place the rolls in a buttered 9x13-inch baking dish, spacing them close together.
6. Second rise. Cover the pan loosely and let the rolls rise for another 25 to 30 minutes, until they are puffy and pressing against one another.
7. Preheat and egg wash. Heat the oven to 375°F. Whisk together the remaining egg and 1 tablespoon of water. Brush the tops of the rolls gently with the egg wash. Sprinkle with flaky sea salt if desired.
8. Bake. Bake for 16 to 18 minutes, until the rolls are deep golden brown on top and sound hollow when tapped. Let cool in the pan for 5 minutes before serving warm.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 148 | Protein: 4g | Fat: 4g | Carbs: 23g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 162mg