By Heat wave week. Four days over ninety. Hartford in July pretending it is San Juan. I kept the air conditioning at sixty-seven degrees — a decision Eduardo complained about, then accepted — and I cooked things that required minimal stove use. Ensalada de coditos Monday. Ensalada de bacalao Tuesday. A gazpacho-adjacent cold soup Wednesday with the first homegrown Sungolds Eduardo brought in from the backyard. Limber de piña Thursday — pineapple popsicles, frozen in paper cups, for the kids when they came over. A cold roast chicken salad with cilantro-lime dressing Friday.
The notebook got three more recipes. Tembleque (written as a letter specifically to Camila, who will someday be making tembleque for her own children). Ensalada rusa (for Sofía). A simple chicken broth (for everyone). I am trying to write one recipe per day. I am succeeding roughly half the time.
Mami Saturday was confused. She called me three times in the morning to ask different versions of the same question — what day is it — and I answered each time patiently and she did not remember the prior calls. I drove over. She was in her nightgown at 11 AM, which she has never done, because Luz María is dressed by 7 AM and has been since 1951. Her hair was not combed. She said, "Carmen, I forgot to get dressed." She cried, a small cry, embarrassed. I said, "Mami, it is hot. You can stay in your nightgown today." I made her breakfast. I helped her get dressed after she had eaten. I combed her hair. It was the first time I had done her hair for her. She let me.
Sunday she was better. She came to dinner. She ate half a plate. She said, "I lost yesterday." I said, "Mami, you did not lose yesterday. I was with you." She said, "In my head, Carmen. In my head." She tapped her temple. She meant the memory. I said, "I know, Mami." She said, "It is not going to get better." I did not answer. She was right. I did not want to agree out loud. I held her hand.
Eduardo at 10 PM said, "Carmen, we should talk to Sofía about her professional opinion." Sofía is a nursing student, not a doctor, but she knows more about my mother's cognitive state than anyone else in the family because she has been watching her during my absences. I said, "Yes." We will talk to her this week. The question is not whether Mami is declining. The question is how much care she needs. The answer is: more than she has. The answer is: soon, a nurse will come to the apartment regularly. The answer is: the shape of Mami's life is changing. Wepa.
The ensalada de coditos I made Monday planted the seed — something about elbow macaroni and tuna together in the cold air of my sixty-seven-degree kitchen felt like exactly the kind of no-fuss, stand-by-the-open-fridge cooking that week demanded. After Saturday with Mami, after combing her hair for the first time and holding her hand Sunday while she said things I did not want to agree with out loud, I needed food that required almost nothing of me and gave something back anyway. This tuna mac is that recipe: simple, cold, filling, and the kind of thing you can leave in the refrigerator for whoever needs it — Eduardo, the kids, yourself at midnight when you cannot sleep.
Tuna Mac And Cheese
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 10 min | Total Time: 25 min (plus chilling) | Servings: 6
Ingredients
- 2 cups elbow macaroni, uncooked
- 2 cans (5 oz each) tuna in water, drained
- 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
- 1/2 cup mayonnaise
- 1/4 cup sour cream
- 1/2 cup celery, finely diced
- 1/4 cup red onion, finely diced
- 1/4 cup sweet pickle relish
- 1 tablespoon yellow mustard
- 1 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
- Salt and black pepper to taste
- Paprika for garnish
Instructions
- Cook the pasta. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook macaroni according to package directions until just tender. Drain and rinse under cold water until completely cooled.
- Make the dressing. In a large bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, sour cream, mustard, garlic powder, and onion powder until smooth and combined.
- Combine. Add the cooled macaroni, drained tuna, cheddar cheese, celery, red onion, and relish to the bowl. Stir gently until everything is evenly coated in the dressing.
- Season. Taste and adjust salt and pepper as needed. If the mixture seems thick, stir in 1–2 tablespoons of cold water or a splash of pickle brine to loosen it.
- Chill. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving. The flavors come together as it rests.
- Serve. Stir once more before serving. Dust the top lightly with paprika. Serve cold, straight from the refrigerator.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 390 | Protein: 22g | Fat: 18g | Carbs: 36g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 520mg