Thin and Chewy Funfetti Blondies

Halloween week. Lily wants to be Elsa. Lily has wanted to be Elsa for three consecutive Halloweens, which means I have sewn, borrowed, and hot-glued three increasingly desperate versions of the same ice-blue dress, and this year I told her we are using last year's dress with a new cape, and she accepted this compromise with the grace of a six-year-old diplomat, which is to say she screamed for four minutes and then agreed. Mason wants to be a construction worker. He wants to be a construction worker every year. I bought him a hard hat at the hardware store for two dollars and he has not taken it off since, including at dinner, including in the bathtub. Ethan says he's too old for trick-or-treating, which is twelve-year-old for "I would like to trick-or-treat but need you to insist." I will insist. Noah will be a pumpkin because he is three and has no say in the matter and the pumpkin costume was on clearance at Walmart and I will not apologize for fiscal responsibility.

I made caramel popcorn on Saturday. Not the microwave kind — the real kind, with butter and brown sugar and corn syrup cooked to soft crack on a candy thermometer because if you're going to rot your children's teeth you should at least do it with precision. I made a quadruple batch: one bowl for the family, three bags for the freezer labeled CARAMEL CORN, 10/22/16, THAW AT ROOM TEMP 1 HR. I'm going to send bags with the kids to their school Halloween parties because room-parent Michelle Carson sent out a signup sheet and I put my name next to "sweet treat" before I could think about it, which is how I end up doing things — not because I want to, but because the empty line next to "sweet treat" felt like a failure I could prevent, and preventing small failures is the only kind of control I have right now.

Olivia asked me Thursday night if Grace would have had a Halloween costume. She asked it the way she asks everything about Grace — carefully, watching my face, ready to retreat. I said yes. I said I would have dressed her as a flower. I don't know why I said flower. It just came out. Olivia nodded and said, "That would have been cute," and went back to her homework, and I stood at the sink washing dishes and let the tears fall into the soapy water because there was nowhere else for them to go.

The index card box has fourteen recipes now. I bought a box of dividers at the dollar store. Categories: SOUPS, CHICKEN, BEEF, BREAKFAST, SIDES. The accountant is organizing. The mother is coping. They are the same person and always have been.

That night at the sink, after Olivia went back to her homework and the house got quiet again, I needed to do something with my hands that wasn’t crying—something that felt like a small, completable thing. Funfetti felt right in a way I couldn’t fully explain: bright and a little silly, the kind of thing you’d make for a child’s birthday, sprinkles stirred into batter like a deliberate act of cheerfulness. I made a pan of these blondies and ate two standing over the counter, and it helped, the way only sugar and doing something can help.

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 20 minutes | Total Time: 30 minutes | Servings: 24 bars

Ingredients

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
2 cups light brown sugar, packed
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon fine salt
2/3 cup rainbow jimmies (sprinkles), divided — orange and black for Halloween

Instructions

Prep the pan. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 9x13-inch baking pan with parchment paper, leaving an overhang on two sides for easy lifting. Lightly spray with nonstick cooking spray.
Mix the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and brown sugar until smooth and glossy, about 1 minute. Add the eggs one at a time, whisking well after each. Stir in the vanilla extract.
Add the dry ingredients. Add the flour, baking powder, and salt to the bowl. Switch to a rubber spatula and fold until just combined — do not overmix or the bars will turn tough. The batter will be thick.
Fold in sprinkles. Reserve 2 tablespoons of sprinkles for the top. Fold the remaining sprinkles gently into the batter, using only 3–4 strokes to prevent color bleeding.
Spread and top. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and spread into an even layer with an offset spatula or the back of a spoon. Scatter the reserved sprinkles over the surface.
Bake. Bake for 18–22 minutes, until the edges are set and golden and the center looks just barely underdone. A toothpick inserted 1 inch from the edge should come out clean; the center may leave a few moist crumbs. Do not overbake — the bars firm up as they cool.
Cool completely. Allow bars to cool in the pan on a wire rack for at least 45 minutes before lifting out and slicing. Cut into 24 bars. For clean cuts, refrigerate 20 minutes first and use a sharp knife wiped between cuts.
Make-ahead note. Bars freeze beautifully. Layer between sheets of parchment in a zip-top bag and freeze up to 6 weeks. Thaw at room temperature for 1 hour before serving.

Nutrition (per serving)

Thin and Chewy Funfetti Blondies — The Sweet Treat Line I Signed Up For