By June came home Friday. Three weeks in the NICU, and then the Thursday assessment said she was eating well and holding her temperature and they could take her home. Cole called from the hospital parking lot. His voice was different from the Tuesday call at four in the morning — not controlled-frightened anymore, just full. The specific fullness of a person who has been through something hard and come out the other side with the thing they were afraid of losing.
I drove over Saturday morning. June is small in the way of all newborns, smaller because of the early start, but clear-eyed and present. Cole held her with the careful competence of a man who'd been taught by the NICU nurses exactly how to hold her. Emma was exhausted and glad in the way that tired and glad exist together in the first days. I stayed two hours and held June for fifteen minutes when Cole asked if I wanted to and I did want to. I thought about what it felt like to hold something this new and this specific to a particular future. Good weight to hold.
Fall equinox is today. The aspens are turning — earlier than average this year, the gold starting in the second week of September instead of the third. Climate has been shifting the timing of things. The change is slow enough to notice over a decade but not slow enough to miss if you're paying attention every year. The mountain is different. The elk moved. The aspens turn earlier. I note it and I keep coming back and I pay attention.
Made apple crisp Sunday with the windfall apples. The same oat and brown sugar topping every year. Some things are fixed. This is one of them.
The windfall apples were already in the bowl when I got home Saturday, and Sunday felt like the right day to use them — the equinox, the aspens past their peak gold, June home and small and clear-eyed in Cole’s arms. I’ve made this apple crisp enough times that my hands know what to do before my mind catches up, which is exactly the kind of thing you want on a day that’s already full. This year I made it sugar free, the same structure and comfort without the extra weight — some small adjustments to keep a fixed thing going a little longer.
Sugar Free Apple Pie
Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 45 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour 5 minutes | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 6 medium apples (such as Granny Smith or Honeycrisp), peeled, cored, and thinly sliced
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar substitute (such as erythritol or monk fruit sweetener)
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
- 1 tablespoon lemon juice
- 1 tablespoon cornstarch
- 1 unbaked 9-inch pie crust (or sugar free pastry crust)
- 1 egg, beaten (for egg wash, optional)
- For the topping (crisp-style):
- 3/4 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
- 1/4 cup almond flour
- 3 tablespoons sugar substitute
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- 3 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
- Pinch of salt
Instructions
- Preheat the oven. Heat your oven to 375°F (190°C). Place a rack in the center position.
- Prepare the filling. In a large bowl, toss the sliced apples with the sugar substitute, cinnamon, nutmeg, lemon juice, and cornstarch until evenly coated. Let sit for 5 minutes so the apples begin to release their juices.
- Fit the crust. Press or roll the pie crust into a 9-inch pie plate. Trim and crimp the edges as desired. Pour the apple filling into the crust, spreading it into an even layer.
- Make the crisp topping. In a medium bowl, combine the oats, almond flour, sugar substitute, cinnamon, and salt. Add the cold butter pieces and work them in with your fingers until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs with some pea-sized clumps.
- Top the pie. Scatter the oat topping evenly over the apple filling, covering the surface completely.
- Bake. Place the pie on a rimmed baking sheet to catch any drips. Bake for 40—45 minutes, until the topping is golden and the filling is bubbling around the edges. If the topping browns too quickly, tent loosely with foil after 25 minutes.
- Cool before serving. Allow the pie to cool on a wire rack for at least 20 minutes before slicing. The filling will set as it cools.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 210 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 9g | Carbs: 31g | Fiber: 4g | Sodium: 95mg