First full week of January. Sean started chemo cycle 2 Monday. Five days on. It has been the predictable pattern — Monday tolerable, Tuesday and Wednesday rough, Thursday recovery begins, Friday he is starting to eat real food again. I made the porridge Tuesday through Thursday. He ate it. He kept it down. He did not lose weight this cycle, which was the goal we had set with Dr. Pei.
NP classes started Monday. I am in a cohort of twenty-two. The classes are hybrid — some in person at MGH Institute, most over Zoom. I did my first three sessions this week. I am still working at the clinic, part-time, Tuesday and Thursday. I am going to continue working because the income matters and because the clinic work keeps me clinically sharp. The schedule is ruthless. I have triangulated my days. I have a chart taped to the kitchen cabinet that shows the week. I am running on lists and coffee and the stubbornness Maureen bred into me.
The letters. Sean and I started the first one Wednesday afternoon. He wanted to begin with a letter to Liam for his sixth birthday, because six is the earliest he thinks Liam could handle it, and he wanted to do it in order from there up through age eighteen. He dictated. I typed. The first letter is 412 words. It is about being a boy who is brave and kind. It is about the Red Sox. It is about being curious. It is about making pancakes. It is signed "Love, Dad." It is saved on my laptop in a password-protected folder called "For Later." There are twelve more letters to write for Liam. Then twelve for Nora. Twenty-four more letters. We will do one or two a week, when Sean has the energy.
He is tired. He sleeps a lot. On his good hours he dictates. On his bad hours he sleeps. I hold his hand.
The chicken soup is in rotation. I make it every Sunday for the week. Two quarts lasts three days. I make four quarts. I have changed the recipe again — less lemon, more salt, the fine-diced vegetables cooked to exactly the right consistency. I have made this soup sixteen times now since September. I know it in my hands.
I made chicken pot pie Saturday because Sean had asked for one. Full pot pie, the old-fashioned kind, with puff pastry on top and pieces of chicken and carrots and peas and pearl onions in a thick creamy filling. He ate half. Liam ate a third. Nora ate the pastry. The rest is in the freezer, in two containers, for a later week.
Linda came over Friday. She brought us a new set of napkins — hand-embroidered with small blue flowers — that she had made over Christmas. She said she had had time. She said they were for the kitchen. I cried when I saw them. She did not apologize. She did not flinch. She said "Kate. Use them. They get washable. They are for now, not for a special occasion." I am using them. I put one next to Nora's plate tonight. The flowers sat next to her dinner. She did not notice. I noticed.
The chicken pot pie went in on Saturday and it did what I needed it to do — it fed the people I love, and the rest went into the freezer for a harder week. But Sunday cooking is its own category. It is the cook that sets up the week, the one that reminds me I still know how to do this, that my hands still work and the kitchen is still mine. Stuffed pork chops are that kind of recipe: slow, deliberate, filling in a way that goes past calories. If you are also running on lists and coffee and stubbornness, I want you to have this one.
Stuffed Pork Chops
Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 35 minutes | Total Time: 55 minutes | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 4 bone-in pork chops, 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 inches thick (about 8 oz each)
- 2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1 cup seasoned stuffing mix (such as Pepperidge Farm herb stuffing)
- 1/2 cup chicken broth, warm
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1/4 cup celery, finely diced (about 1 stalk)
- 1/4 cup yellow onion, finely diced
- 1/4 cup dried cranberries or golden raisins (optional)
- 2 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
- Toothpicks or kitchen twine, for sealing
Instructions
- Preheat and prep. Preheat oven to 375°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet or roasting pan with foil and set a wire rack inside if you have one.
- Make the stuffing. In a small skillet over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the celery and onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat. In a bowl, combine the stuffing mix, warm chicken broth, sauteed vegetables, cranberries or raisins if using, and parsley. Stir until the stuffing is evenly moistened. Let cool for 5 minutes.
- Pocket the chops. Using a sharp paring knife, cut a deep horizontal pocket into the side of each pork chop, working parallel to the bone. Cut as deep as you can without piercing through the other side — you want a generous cavity for the stuffing.
- Stuff and seal. Spoon 2 to 3 tablespoons of stuffing into each pocket, pressing it in firmly. Secure the opening with 1 or 2 toothpicks to keep the stuffing inside during cooking.
- Season the outside. In a small bowl, combine the salt, pepper, garlic powder, and smoked paprika. Rub the chops all over with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil, then season evenly with the spice mixture on both sides.
- Sear for color. Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large oven-safe skillet or cast iron pan over medium-high heat until shimmering. Sear the stuffed chops for 2 to 3 minutes per side until deep golden brown. Work in batches if needed to avoid crowding.
- Finish in the oven. Transfer the seared chops to the prepared baking sheet or return the skillet to the oven. Roast at 375°F for 25 to 30 minutes, until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the meat (not the stuffing) reads 145°F.
- Rest and serve. Remove from the oven and let rest 5 minutes before removing toothpicks. Serve with the pan drippings spooned over the top.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 480 | Protein: 42g | Fat: 24g | Carbs: 18g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 540mg