Steak Sauce — The Kind of Recipe You Come Back to When You Need to Feel Something Real

Late January and I have been doing small research. I found a service online that does people searches, discreet, not invasive, that can locate public records. I have the name Crystal Dawkins and a rough birth year from my paperwork. I have not submitted anything yet. I am still looking at the search box with my information in it and thinking about what it means to send it.

I made a braised short rib with root vegetables this week, the cold-weather version of patience: three hours in the oven, the house smelling like wine and beef and thyme. Tyler came over Saturday and ate a full bowl over polenta and said he had been thinking about this dish since I described making it two winters ago. I said I did not know he remembered that. He said I remember most things you say. I do not know why that sentence moves me the way it does, but it does.

I talked to Gloria about Crystal on Sunday. Not the research, just the fact that I had been thinking about her. Gloria listened and then she was quiet for a while and then she said: you do not have to have those feelings about her in any particular order. She said: you can be angry and sad and curious all at the same time and none of them cancel the others out. I said I know. She said: but sometimes knowing and feeling are different things and you have to feel your way to the place where you know it. I wrote that down as soon as I got home. You have to feel your way to the place where you know it.

The short ribs carry the weight of the dish on their own — three hours is three hours — but what I reach for at the end, the thing that pulls everything together and gives it an edge, is a homemade steak sauce I’ve been making for a few years now. Gloria’s words about feeling your way to knowing stayed with me all week, and I think that’s what this sauce is: something built slowly, in layers, until it becomes exactly what it was always trying to be. If you made those short ribs, or any braised beef this winter, this is what you put alongside it.

Steak Sauce

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: 35 minutes | Servings: 12 (about 1 1/2 cups)

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup ketchup
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar, packed
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon celery salt
• Pinch of cayenne pepper

Instructions

1. Combine. Add all ingredients to a small saucepan and whisk together until fully combined.
2. Simmer. Bring the mixture to a gentle simmer over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low.
3. Reduce. Cook on low for 20–25 minutes, stirring every few minutes, until the sauce thickens slightly and the flavors have deepened.
4. Taste and adjust. Remove from heat. Taste and add a touch more vinegar for brightness, brown sugar for sweetness, or cayenne for heat, depending on your preference.
5. Cool and store. Let cool to room temperature, then transfer to a jar or airtight container. Refrigerate for up to 3 weeks. Serve alongside braised short ribs, steak, or roasted beef.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 28 | Protein: 0g | Fat: 0g | Carbs: 7g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 230mg