Spring is coming. The desert knows before the calendar does — the creosote bushes green up, the days stretch longer, the mornings lose their bite. I can feel it in the bakery kitchen, where the ovens don't have to fight the cold anymore and the dough rises faster because the air is warmer and everything moves at the speed of warmth instead of the speed of winter. Spring is hope in a season. And I need hope, because six months without Rosa is long enough to know that the grief is permanent and short enough to know that I haven't figured out how to carry it yet.
The bakery's second anniversary is March 15. I am not planning a celebration — last year we celebrated the first anniversary and Rosa was alive and this year she is not and the idea of celebrating feels complicated. Sofia disagrees. Sofia says we should celebrate because the bakery surviving two years is worth celebrating and because Rosa would want us to celebrate and because "you can't skip anniversaries just because you're sad, Mamá, because then you'd skip everything." She is eleven. She is wiser than me. This is becoming a pattern.
Isabella got elected to student council. Eighth grade representative. She didn't campaign — she was nominated by a teacher and elected by her classmates, which means she is the kind of leader people choose without being asked, the kind who leads by being rather than doing. She told me about the election with the same understated tone she uses for everything, and I said, "I'm proud of you," and she said, "It's just student council," and I said, "Nothing you do is just anything," and she looked at me with those serious eyes — Rosa's eyes — and for a moment I saw my mother looking at me through my daughter, and the chain was visible, the chain from Rosa to me to Isabella, and the chain held.
I made chili con carne this week — not the Texan kind with beans and no beans arguments, but the Chihuahuan kind, the original, with chunks of beef stewed in a dried chile sauce that is thick and dark and takes three hours to develop. This is border food. This is the food that sits on the line between Mexico and Texas and belongs to both and neither. Rosa made it. Luis's mother Dolores makes it. Every woman on both sides of the river makes it slightly differently, and the differences are the point — the differences are what make it yours.
Alejandro called. He is drinking again. Carmen told me — she heard from Beatriz, who heard from Eduardo, who found empty bottles in the kitchen. I am not surprised. I am tired. I am tired of losing people in pieces — Javier all at once, Rosa slowly, and now Alejandro in the bottle, the same bottle he crawled into in 1993 when Javier died and the same bottle he crawled out of for Rosa and the same bottle he is crawling back into now that Rosa is gone. I called him. He didn't answer. I called again. He answered and said he was fine. The Delgado fine. The fine that means: I am not fine and please stop asking and also please don't stop asking because if you stop asking it means you've given up on me and I cannot survive that too.
I did not give up. I called Beatriz and asked her to check on him. I sent money. I prayed. That is what I have: calls, money, prayers. Not enough. Never enough. But thrown across the bridge like a rope, hoping he catches it, hoping the rope is long enough, hoping he wants to be caught.
Making that chili con carne this week — three hours of dried chiles and beef and patience — reminded me that border food is never just one thing. It holds two worlds at once, and that is exactly what I needed it to do. When the pot was finally empty and the week had worn me thin, I turned to something faster but built from the same spirit: this Southwestern Pasta Salad, with its smoky chiles and lime and the kind of bright, layered flavor that tastes like standing on the bank of the river and belonging to both sides. Sofia helped me make it. She is getting good in the kitchen. Rosa would have been proud.
Southwestern Pasta Salad
Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 12 minutes | Total Time: 32 minutes | Servings: 6
Ingredients
- 12 oz rotini or penne pasta
- 1 can (15 oz) black beans, drained and rinsed
- 1 1/2 cups frozen corn, thawed (or fresh roasted corn cut from 2 ears)
- 1 red bell pepper, diced
- 1 poblano pepper, seeded and diced
- 1/2 red onion, finely diced
- 1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
- 1/2 cup fresh cilantro, roughly chopped
- 1 avocado, diced (added just before serving)
- 1/2 cup crumbled cotija cheese (or feta)
- For the Chile-Lime Dressing:
- 1/3 cup olive oil
- 3 tablespoons fresh lime juice (about 2 limes)
- 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
- 1 teaspoon chili powder
- 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
- 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/2 teaspoon honey or agave
- Salt and black pepper to taste
Instructions
- Cook the pasta. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package directions until al dente. Drain, rinse with cold water to stop cooking, and set aside to cool completely.
- Make the dressing. Whisk together olive oil, lime juice, red wine vinegar, chili powder, cumin, smoked paprika, garlic powder, and honey in a small bowl or jar. Season with salt and black pepper to taste. Set aside.
- Char the peppers (optional but recommended). Heat a dry skillet over medium-high heat. Add the diced poblano and red bell pepper and cook 3–4 minutes without stirring, until lightly charred in spots. Remove and let cool.
- Combine the salad. In a large bowl, toss together the cooled pasta, black beans, corn, charred peppers, red onion, cherry tomatoes, and cilantro.
- Dress and toss. Pour the chile-lime dressing over the salad and toss well to coat. Taste and adjust seasoning — add more lime juice for brightness or more chili powder for depth.
- Finish and serve. Just before serving, fold in the diced avocado and top with crumbled cotija cheese. Serve at room temperature or chilled. The salad holds well in the refrigerator for up to 3 days (add avocado fresh each time).
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 420 | Protein: 13g | Fat: 16g | Carbs: 58g | Fiber: 8g | Sodium: 340mg