By The first week of April, and the azaleas are blooming — the annual explosion — and the blooming is both beautiful and painful, because the beauty requires seeing and the seeing requires being alive and Mama is alive in the chair in the kitchen while the azaleas bloom outside the window, and the blooming is for her even though she cannot see it, because the blooming does not require the seeing. The blooming is for itself. And the self of the azalea is the beauty. And the beauty persists.
Mama's condition has been declining more rapidly since the birthday. Dr. Okonkwo visited on Monday. He was gentle. He was honest. He said, "Weeks." The word sat in the kitchen like a stone. Weeks. Not months. Not a year. Weeks. The word is the countdown, and the countdown is the life, and the life is weeks.
I called Carrie. I said, "You should come home." The sentence was the sentence I hoped I would never have to say and that I have been preparing to say for seven years, and the saying was both the hardest and the simplest thing I have ever done: hard because the sentence means what it means, simple because the meaning is the truth, and the truth requires no explanation.
Carrie said, "I'm coming." Two words. The entire Pacific Ocean crossed in two words. The dream of Japan suspended in two words. The daughter returning to the mother who is losing the mother, and the returning is the chain, and the chain does not break for oceans.
James has been coming home every weekend. Elise has been with him. The house is full again — full of the people who love Mama, who sit with her, who hold her hand, who talk to her even though the talking is one-directional, because the one-directional is still direction, and the direction is toward her, and the toward-ness is the love.
I made she-crab soup. I will keep making it. I will make it until the Sundays run out. The soup is the constant. The constant is the life. And the life is the soup.
She-crab soup has always been the centerpiece on Sundays, but it never arrives alone — alongside it, every single time, is this coleslaw, the one Mama taught me before her hands got too unsteady, the one that Carrie will recognize the moment she walks through the door because it means home in a way that nothing else quite does. I keep making it not because it is complicated or special in any grand way, but because the repetition is itself the point: the chopping, the stirring, the tasting, the setting it out in the same ceramic bowl — these are the acts that hold the days together when the days are numbered. Carrie is crossing an ocean to come back to this table, and I want this coleslaw waiting when she arrives.
Southern Coleslaw
Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 15 minutes + 1 hour chilling | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 1 small head green cabbage (about 2 lbs), finely shredded
- 1 medium carrot, peeled and grated
- 1/4 small red onion, very finely minced
- 3/4 cup mayonnaise
- 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
- 1 tablespoon white granulated sugar
- 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
- 1/2 teaspoon celery seed
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste
- 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Instructions
- Prep the vegetables. Finely shred the cabbage using a sharp knife or a mandoline, discarding the tough outer leaves and core. Grate the carrot on the large holes of a box grater. Combine cabbage, carrot, and minced red onion in a large mixing bowl.
- Make the dressing. In a separate small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, apple cider vinegar, sugar, yellow mustard, celery seed, salt, and black pepper until fully combined and smooth.
- Combine and toss. Pour the dressing over the cabbage mixture and toss thoroughly until every shred is well coated. Taste and adjust salt and pepper as needed.
- Chill before serving. Cover the bowl and refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving. This resting time is essential — it allows the cabbage to soften slightly and the flavors to meld into something that tastes like it has always been on the table.
- Serve. Give the coleslaw one final stir before serving. It keeps well refrigerated for up to 3 days, though it is best within the first 24 hours.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 175 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 15g | Carbs: 10g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 290mg