Sourdough Cinnamon Rolls

Four weeks. Tyler is memorizing his vows. I can hear him in the bedroom when he thinks I am asleep, saying them quietly to himself. I have not told him I can hear. He would be embarrassed and also those words are for October 14 and I am saving them for October 14 even if I could hear them now.

My vows are finished. I wrote them in the kitchen at two in the morning last Tuesday after Tyler was asleep. I wrote three drafts and kept the third. The third one says what I mean. It says something about choosing and about the difference between being placed somewhere and choosing to stay. I have never chosen to stay anywhere before. This is the first place, the first person, where staying is something I do on purpose and with intention and without fear.

Called Crystal this week. She is coming. She has her outfit and her bus ticket. She asked if she could bring anything. I said no, everything is covered. She said she had wanted to bring something. I said you being there is the thing. She said okay. Then she said I am nervous. I said me too. She said you are not supposed to be nervous. I said everyone is nervous on their wedding day. She laughed. It was the first time I had heard her laugh. I did not know what it would sound like. It sounded like me, a little. Not a lot. Just a little. Enough to notice.

I wrote three drafts of my vows and kept the third, and I think there is something in that — the idea that the right version of a thing does not come first, it comes after you have sat with it long enough to mean it. These sourdough cinnamon rolls are like that. They are not fast. They ask you to wait, to tend, to come back. I made them the morning after I finished writing, while the kitchen was still quiet and October still felt both very close and very far away, and eating one warm from the pan felt like the right way to mark something that mattered.

Prep Time: 30 minutes + 8–12 hours rise | Cook Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: ~13 hours | Servings: 12 rolls

Ingredients

Dough:
1 cup active sourdough starter (fed and bubbly)
3/4 cup whole milk, warmed
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon fine sea salt
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
Filling:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Cream Cheese Glaze:
4 oz cream cheese, softened
1 cup powdered sugar, sifted
3 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions

Mix the dough. In a large bowl, whisk together the sourdough starter, warm milk, sugar, melted butter, and eggs until combined. Add the salt and flour and stir until a shaggy dough forms. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 8–10 minutes until smooth and slightly tacky. Place in a lightly greased bowl, cover, and let rest at room temperature for 1 hour.
Cold rise overnight. After the initial rest, cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 8–12 hours (or overnight). The long, slow rise develops both flavor and tenderness.
Make the filling. In a small bowl, mix the softened butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg into a smooth paste. Set aside at room temperature while you roll the dough.
Roll and fill. Remove the dough from the refrigerator and let it sit at room temperature for 30 minutes. On a lightly floured surface, roll it into a roughly 14×18 inch rectangle. Spread the filling evenly across the dough, leaving a 1/2-inch border along one long edge.
Cut and arrange. Starting from the filled long edge, roll the dough tightly into a log. Use unflavored dental floss or a sharp knife to cut 12 even rolls. Arrange them cut-side up in a greased 9×13 inch baking dish.
Second rise. Cover loosely and let the rolls rise at room temperature for 1 1/2–2 hours, until puffy and touching.
Bake. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Bake the rolls for 22–26 minutes, until golden on top and just set in the center. Do not overbake — a little softness in the middle is the goal.
Make the glaze. Beat the cream cheese until smooth, then blend in the powdered sugar, milk, and vanilla until pourable. Spread generously over warm rolls straight from the oven.
Serve warm. These are best eaten the same day, warm, with a quiet kitchen and no particular place you have to be right now.

Nutrition (per serving)

Sourdough Cinnamon Rolls — Made at Two in the Morning, When the Words Finally Come Right