By A week after the coffee shop meeting with Crystal and I am still finding my footing with how to feel about it. The texts between us have continued, a little more frequently now, a little less tentative, like we have established that we are not going to destroy each other by being in contact and so we can relax approximately three percent. I sent her a photo of my apartment one time, just a casual one from the kitchen, and she texted back: you cook? I texted back: yes. She said: I always wondered what you were like. I said: I wondered that too, about you. She did not respond to that for a while and then she said: I am sorry I was not there to answer it sooner. I said: I know.
I do not know what I want from this. I want something, I think, some form of connection that does not require me to forgive anything yet or understand everything yet. Something tentative that might become more over time. Or might not. I am trying to leave room for both possibilities without assuming either.
I made a Cajun potato soup this week, hearty and smoky, which was a comfort-cooking choice and I am not pretending otherwise. Andouille, potatoes, celery and onion, chicken broth, cream, cayenne and smoked paprika. I ate it every day from Monday through Thursday and I feel no regret about that. Some weeks you need soup that is a decision, something specific and warming. This was that week.
The soup carried me through Monday to Thursday, but it was the smoky, deliberate quality of everything I was reaching for in the kitchen that week that kept pulling me back—something with heat and depth, something that required me to make choices rather than drift. This smoked salsa has that same quality: it’s not passive food, it’s food you decide to make, and that felt exactly right for a week when I was trying to figure out what I wanted and leave room for whatever came next.
Smoked Salsa
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 30 min | Total Time: 45 min | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 6 roma tomatoes, halved
- 1 medium white onion, quartered
- 4 cloves garlic, unpeeled
- 2 jalapeño peppers, halved and seeded (or leave seeds for more heat)
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1/2 teaspoon cumin
- 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste
- 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves
- 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
Instructions
- Prepare the grill or broiler. Preheat your grill to medium-high heat, or set your oven broiler to high. If using a broiler, line a baking sheet with foil.
- Oil the vegetables. Toss the tomatoes, onion, jalapeños, and unpeeled garlic cloves with olive oil until lightly coated.
- Smoke or char. Place the vegetables cut-side down on the grill or cut-side up on the prepared baking sheet. Cook for 10—15 minutes, turning once, until the tomatoes are softened and charred in spots and the onion and jalapeños have some color. The garlic should be soft inside its skin.
- Cool slightly. Remove from heat and allow the vegetables to cool for 5—10 minutes until safe to handle. Peel the garlic cloves.
- Blend. Transfer all the charred vegetables to a blender or food processor. Add the smoked paprika, cumin, salt, cayenne, cilantro, and lime juice. Pulse to your desired consistency—chunky or smooth, your call.
- Taste and adjust. Season with additional salt, lime juice, or cayenne as needed. If the salsa is too thick, stir in a tablespoon of water at a time until it loosens to your liking.
- Rest and serve. Let the salsa sit for at least 15 minutes before serving to allow the flavors to settle and deepen. Serve with tortilla chips, over eggs, or alongside anything that needs a little smoke and heat.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 38 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 2g | Carbs: 5g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 148mg