Slow-Cooker Tater Tot Casserole

I did not write last week because I could not write. I am writing now because I have to. Because if I do not write it down, the thing that happened will live only inside me, and it is too heavy to carry alone, and words on a screen are lighter than words in a chest.

Larry died on Tuesday, October 2nd, on I-80 near Lexington. A heart attack, behind the wheel. The truck drifted onto the shoulder and stopped. Other drivers called it in. The ambulance came. He was already gone. He was sixty-five years old. He died on the road he had driven a thousand times, doing the only thing he had ever done, and I cannot decide if that is tragic or fitting. Maybe both. Maybe everything is both.

I was at home when I got the call. Not on the road, not this time. I was at the kitchen table, drinking coffee, planning my route for the next day, and the phone rang and it was a state trooper and he said are you the daughter of Lawrence Novak and I said yes and he said something that I heard and also did not hear, because the words went in but the meaning bounced off, and I sat at the kitchen table and I did not move for an hour. Dave came home and found me there. He sat down across from me and put his hand on mine and did not say anything because there was nothing to say.

I called Gayle. She answered on the first ring. I said Mom. She said I know, Brenda. The hospital had already called her. She knew before I did. She had been sitting in her kitchen, alone, knowing, and she had not called me because she could not find the words, and the not-finding-words is the most honest thing my mother has ever done, because some things do not have words. Some things are just the sound of a phone ringing and a voice saying are you the daughter and the answer being yes, yes, I am the daughter, I am the daughter, I am.

I did not cook that night. I did not cook for three days. Dave made macaroni and cheese from a box, the crisis meal, the meal he makes when I cannot. The kids ate. I did not eat. The kitchen was dark. The slow cooker was empty. The bread dough was not rising. Nothing was rising. Everything had stopped.

The slow cooker sat empty on the counter for ten days. I walked past it every morning — it was just there, cold, unplugged, and I could not make myself touch it. What finally got me to turn it on wasn’t that I felt ready, because I wasn’t. It was that Dave had made the box macaroni four nights in a row and the kids needed something real, and this — frozen tater tots, a can of soup, ground beef from the freezer — was the smallest possible version of real that I could manage. I plugged it in. I walked away. Four hours later, dinner was done, and so was the ten days of nothing.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 4 hours | Total Time: 4 hours 15 min | Servings: 6

Ingredients

1 lb ground beef
1 can (10.5 oz) cream of mushroom soup
1 can (10.5 oz) cream of chicken soup
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup whole milk
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese, divided
1 bag (32 oz) frozen tater tots

Instructions

Brown the beef. In a skillet over medium-high heat, cook the ground beef until no longer pink, about 7–8 minutes. Drain the fat and season with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and onion powder.
Mix the sauce. In a large bowl, whisk together the cream of mushroom soup, cream of chicken soup, sour cream, and milk until smooth and combined.
Build the base. Lightly spray the slow cooker insert with cooking spray. Spread the cooked beef in an even layer on the bottom. Pour the soup mixture over the beef and stir gently to combine. Scatter 1 cup of the shredded cheddar over the top.
Layer the tater tots. Arrange the frozen tater tots in a single layer over the cheese and filling. They can overlap slightly — it will settle as it cooks.
Cook. Place the lid on and cook on LOW for 4 hours, or on HIGH for 2 to 2 1/2 hours, until the filling is bubbling around the edges and the tater tots are tender when pierced with a fork.
Add the finishing cheese. Sprinkle the remaining 1 cup of cheddar evenly over the tater tots. Replace the lid and cook for an additional 10–15 minutes until the cheese is fully melted.
Serve. Scoop directly from the slow cooker into bowls or onto plates. Serve hot.

Nutrition (per serving)

Slow-Cooker Tater Tot Casserole — The First Meal I Made After