Hannah has been grieving Rosa quietly, in the particular way Hannah grieves, which is with her hands. She has been cooking every day this week — not the quick weeknight meals she usually manages between work and kids, but real cooking, the extended projects: a batch of tamales she made alone on Tuesday evening, working past midnight, not telling me she was doing it until I woke up at one in the morning to the smell of masa and chile. A pot of Mexican hot chocolate on Thursday that filled the house with the smell of cinnamon and ancho chile and sugar. The recipe for tres leches cake written out on a card in Terry's handwriting, propped on the counter.
I understand this. It is what I would do. Food is where we put what we cannot say or what we need to keep. Rosa taught Hannah tamales formally, sitting side by side in Rosa's kitchen in McAlester, the year before Kai was born. Hannah has been making them since but always with Rosa alive to consult if something went wrong. Now Rosa is not alive to consult. The tamales have to stand on their own, and making them is how Hannah makes sure they can.
Kai noticed that his mother was sad. He asked me on Wednesday night, while I was putting him to bed, why Mama was sad. I said her grandmother died and she missed her. He thought about this. He said: "Abuela Rosa who made tamales at Christmas?" I said yes. He said: "She made the good ones." He meant it as a compliment. He meant it as the truest thing he knew about her. I said yes, she made the very best ones. He was quiet. Then he said: "Is Mama going to make them now?" I said yes. He said: "Good." And he went to sleep.
I told Hannah what Kai had said. She cried for about two minutes and then she laughed and then she went back to the kitchen and I heard her working for another hour. That is grief and also resilience and also a four-year-old saying the exactly right thing at the exactly right time, which children do sometimes when you least expect it and most need it.
Hannah’s week of cooking — the late-night tamales, the hot chocolate, the tres leches card in Terry’s handwriting — reminded me that the truest form of grief is the kind you do with your hands, keeping a tradition alive by repeating it. Not everyone has hours past midnight and a lifetime of masa experience, but there is another dish rooted in the same Mexican culinary tradition that Rosa would have recognized: slow cooker chicken carnitas, built on the same architecture of dried chiles, warm spices, and patient time. I keep coming back to this recipe in hard weeks, the kind where you need something on the stove that doesn’t ask much of you but still fills the house with the smell of something that matters. It is the kind of cooking Kai will remember, too, when he is older — not the effort behind it, just the smell and the warmth and his mother in the kitchen.
Slow Cooker Chicken Carnitas
Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 6–8 hours | Total Time: 6 hours 15 minutes | Servings: 6
Ingredients
- 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken thighs
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
- 2 teaspoons ground cumin
- 2 teaspoons chili powder
- 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
- 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 small white onion, roughly chopped
- 1 chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced, plus 1 tablespoon adobo sauce
- 1/2 cup fresh orange juice (about 1 large orange)
- 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
- 1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth
- For serving: warm corn tortillas, fresh cilantro, diced white onion, lime wedges, salsa
Instructions
- Season the chicken. Pat the chicken thighs dry and rub all over with olive oil. In a small bowl, combine the salt, pepper, cumin, chili powder, smoked paprika, oregano, and cayenne. Sprinkle the spice mixture evenly over both sides of each thigh.
- Build the slow cooker base. Scatter the chopped onion and minced garlic across the bottom of the slow cooker insert. Lay the seasoned chicken thighs on top in a single layer.
- Add the liquid. In a small bowl or measuring cup, whisk together the chipotle pepper, adobo sauce, orange juice, lime juice, and chicken broth. Pour evenly over the chicken.
- Cook low and slow. Cover and cook on LOW for 6 to 8 hours, or on HIGH for 3 to 4 hours, until the chicken is very tender and pulls apart easily with two forks.
- Shred and crisp. Transfer the cooked chicken to a large rimmed baking sheet. Use two forks to shred the meat into rough pieces. Spoon 2 to 3 tablespoons of the cooking liquid over the shredded chicken and toss to coat. Broil under a high broiler for 4 to 6 minutes, until the edges are lightly crisped and caramelized. Watch closely — this goes fast.
- Serve. Pile the carnitas onto warm corn tortillas and top with fresh cilantro, diced white onion, a squeeze of lime, and your salsa of choice. Serve immediately.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 285 | Protein: 32g | Fat: 13g | Carbs: 8g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 520mg