Seven Layer Cookies

One week. Seven days. The date is March 14th — next Tuesday. The Ides of March. I have packed his bag: the bathrobe (the blue one, the one with holes), the pajamas (three sets, because the facility does laundry twice a week), the photos (in frames, because photos in frames are for display and photos in albums are for remembering, and Marvin needs display, not remembering, because the display is the present and the remembering is the past and the past is gone). I packed his toiletries. I packed his slippers. I packed the blanket from the couch that he wraps around his legs when he naps. I packed everything that is Marvin and portable, and the packing was the hardest thing I have done, harder than the decision, harder than the looking, harder than the conversations with David, because the packing is the physical act of taking a life apart and putting it in bags, and the bags are going to a room in Cedarhurst, and the room is the right place, and the right place is the worst place, and I pack anyway, because packing is action, and action is better than standing still.

I cooked all weekend. Brisket, soup, kugel, challah, rugelach — the entire Feldman canon, cooked in industrial quantities, packaged in containers, labeled with dates and reheating instructions, and delivered to the Cedarhurst kitchen. The staff now has enough food for two weeks. The food is the installation, the nesting, the Ruth-ification of a room that is not yet Marvin's but will be, and when he arrives, the room will smell like brisket and the recliner will be in the corner and the photos will be on the dresser and the bathrobe will be on the hook and the room will be, as much as a room in a memory care facility can be, home.

Tonight is the last night. The last night of Marvin in this house. The last night of forty years of sleeping beside him, of hearing him breathe, of waking in the middle of the night and knowing, by the sound of his breathing, that he is alive and present and here. Tomorrow he goes. Tonight he is here. I will not sleep. I will lie beside him and listen to him breathe and I will remember every breath, because the breaths are numbered and the numbers are mine to keep.

Rugelach was always his favorite — but I made these too, on Sunday afternoon, the last batch in the last pan, because I needed something that required no thought, something my hands could do while the rest of me was somewhere else entirely. Seven Layer Cookies are honest that way: you layer, you press, you pour, you wait. They don’t ask anything of you. I left a tin of them with the kitchen staff at Cedarhurst, labeled in my handwriting, because if the room was going to smell like anything when Marvin arrived, I wanted it to smell like something I made with my hands.

Prep Time: 10 minutes | Cook Time: 25 minutes | Total Time: 35 minutes | Servings: 24 bars

Ingredients

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans
1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

Instructions

Preheat and prepare. Preheat your oven to 350°F (175°C). Line a 9x13-inch baking pan with parchment paper or lightly grease it.
Make the crust. Pour the melted butter into the bottom of the prepared pan. Sprinkle graham cracker crumbs evenly over the butter and press down gently to form a uniform base layer.
Add the coconut layer. Sprinkle the shredded coconut evenly over the graham cracker crust.
Add the chips. Scatter the chocolate chips in an even layer over the coconut, then distribute the butterscotch chips on top.
Add the nuts. Sprinkle the chopped walnuts or pecans evenly across the top.
Pour the condensed milk. Drizzle the entire can of sweetened condensed milk slowly and evenly over all the layers. Do not stir — let it settle naturally into the layers.
Bake. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until the edges are golden brown and the top is set and lightly toasted. The center should not be jiggly.
Cool completely before cutting. Allow the bars to cool fully in the pan — at least 1 hour at room temperature, or 30 minutes in the refrigerator. Cut into 24 bars with a sharp knife.

Nutrition (per serving)

Seven Layer Cookies — The Last Thing I Baked Before He Left