Sesame Cheese Crackers

Mother's Day. My second as a mother. My first without Jisoo in the same time zone — she left last week and the absence is physical, a weight in the kitchen, a quiet where her rice-making sounds used to be. But the absence is also full, because Jisoo's visit filled me in ways that persist: the corrections to my kimchi, the pleating technique for mandu, the way she stands at the stove with one hand on the counter and one hand stirring and her weight on her left foot. I stand at the stove the same way now. I did not do this before. The posture was transmitted. The kitchen holds the posture. The posture is Jisoo in me.

James made me breakfast: congee with a soft-boiled egg. Hana "made" me a card (crayon scribbles, guided by James, increasingly abstract as Hana lost interest in the card and became interested in eating the crayon). The card says: "Happy Mother's Day, Mama. Love, Hana." The handwriting is — let me choose my words carefully — visionary.

I called Karen. She said, "Happy Mother's Day." She said, "Stephanie. I want you to know something. Meeting Jisoo was one of the most important things I have ever done." I said, "I know." She said, "No. Listen. I was afraid. I was afraid she would be everything I wasn't — Korean, young, beautiful, the mother who should have raised you. And she was all of those things. And she was also grateful. She was grateful to me. She thanked me. She thanked me for raising you." Karen paused. "Nobody has ever thanked me for raising you, Stephanie. Not in thirty-one years. Nobody has ever said: thank you for being her mother. Jisoo said it. On my porch. In English. And it was the thing I did not know I needed to hear." I was crying. Karen was not crying. Karen was past crying. Karen was in the place beyond tears, where the feeling is too large for water and too important for noise and you just sit with it, still, and let it be.

The recipe this week is miyeokguk — seaweed birthday soup, the Mother's Day soup, the soup that honors the labor of the woman who gave you life. I made it for Karen. I made it for Jisoo (on FaceTime; she drank hers in Busan while I drank mine in Seattle). I made it for myself. Three mothers. Three bowls. One soup. The seaweed is dark as the sea. The broth is rich with beef and sesame. The soup is the recipe for Mother's Day, every Mother's Day, forever. The soup says: you labored. You suffered. You gave life. Thank you. Eat. Rest. You have earned this.

Sesame has been everywhere in my kitchen this week — in the miyeokguk broth, in the finishing drizzle over rice, in the smell that clung to Jisoo’s coat when she left. When the soup bowls were empty and the FaceTime call with Busan had ended and Hana was finally asleep, I still needed something to do with my hands. These sesame cheese crackers are that thing: simple, savory, grounding, made slowly. The sesame is the thread. The making is the rest.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 20 min | Total Time: 35 min | Servings: 6 (about 4 crackers each)

Ingredients

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp fine sea salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 cup finely shredded sharp cheddar cheese
3 tbsp cold unsalted butter, cut into small cubes
3 tbsp sesame seeds (white or a mix of white and black)
1 tsp toasted sesame oil
3–4 tbsp ice-cold water

Instructions

Preheat the oven. Heat oven to 375°F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.
Combine dry ingredients. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, pepper, and garlic powder until evenly blended.
Work in butter and cheese. Add the cold butter cubes and shredded cheddar. Use a pastry cutter or your fingertips to press and rub the mixture together until it resembles coarse, slightly clumpy crumbs with no large butter pieces remaining.
Add sesame. Stir in the sesame seeds and drizzle in the sesame oil. Toss lightly to distribute.
Form the dough. Add cold water one tablespoon at a time, stirring gently after each addition, until the dough just comes together and holds when pressed. Do not overwork it.
Roll and cut. Turn dough onto a lightly floured surface and roll to about 1/8-inch thickness. Cut into 1 1/2-inch squares or rounds using a knife or small cookie cutter. Re-roll scraps once.
Bake. Arrange crackers in a single layer on the prepared baking sheet with a little space between each. Bake 18–20 minutes, until the edges are golden and the crackers feel dry and firm to the touch.
Cool completely. Transfer to a wire rack. The crackers will crisp further as they cool. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to five days.

Nutrition (per serving)

Sesame Cheese Crackers — A Small, Savory Thing to Make With Hands That Remember