Nutella-Swirled Peanut Butter Chip Blondies

Eighteen weeks and we found out the sex this week at the anatomy scan. A girl. Tyler was very still for a moment and then he smiled with his whole face. He is not a demonstrative man in the ways people expect. He shows things in stillness and then in completeness. The smile was complete.

I called Gloria. She said: a girl. I said yes. She said: you are going to raise a daughter. I said yes. I said I was going to try very hard to be everything she needs. Gloria said: you already know how. I said I know you keep saying that. She said: I keep saying it because it keeps being true. Do not argue with me about what I can see from where I am standing.

I went home and stood in the extra bedroom, the one we have been calling the room, and thought about what it would become. Not the color or the furniture, those things matter less. What it would become in terms of what happens there. Small person sleeping. Small person waking. Small person being fed and held and told the world is good and meant it. I am going to mean it. I am going to mean every single word of it every single day.

Made banana bread and put an extra loaf in the freezer, which has become my pregnancy contribution to future me. Future me is going to have a very good freezer.

The banana bread is already in the freezer — and honestly, once I started baking for future me, I couldn’t stop. There is something about knowing a girl is coming, about standing in that room and imagining all the smallness and fullness of it, that made me want to fill every corner of our life with something good and ready. These Nutella-Swirled Peanut Butter Chip Blondies are what came next: rich and a little indulgent, the kind of thing you pull out of the freezer on a hard afternoon and feel genuinely taken care of. Future me deserves that. So does the woman standing in the extra bedroom right now, trying her best to mean every word.

Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 28 minutes | Total Time: 43 minutes | Servings: 16 bars

Ingredients

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
1 cup packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 cup peanut butter chips
1/3 cup Nutella, slightly warmed

Instructions

Preheat and prep. Preheat your oven to 350°F (175°C). Line an 8x8-inch baking pan with parchment paper, leaving an overhang on two sides for easy lifting.
Mix the wet ingredients. In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and brown sugar until smooth and glossy, about 1 minute. Add the eggs one at a time, whisking well after each addition, then stir in the vanilla extract.
Add the dry ingredients. Sprinkle the flour, baking powder, and salt over the wet mixture. Fold together with a rubber spatula until just combined — do not overmix. Fold in the peanut butter chips.
Spread and swirl. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and spread it into an even layer. Drop spoonfuls of the warmed Nutella across the surface. Use a butter knife or skewer to swirl the Nutella through the batter in loose figure-eight motions, going about halfway down into the batter.
Bake. Bake for 25–28 minutes, until the edges are set and golden and the center is just barely firm (a toothpick should come out with a few moist crumbs, not wet batter). Do not overbake — these are meant to be fudgy.
Cool and cut. Allow the blondies to cool completely in the pan on a wire rack, at least 45 minutes, before lifting out and cutting into 16 squares. They firm up as they cool.
To freeze. Arrange cut bars in a single layer on a baking sheet and freeze until solid, about 1 hour. Transfer to a zip-top freezer bag or airtight container with parchment between layers. Freeze up to 3 months. Thaw at room temperature for 20–30 minutes before serving.

Nutrition (per serving)

Nutella-Swirled Peanut Butter Chip Blondies — Stocking the Freezer for Future Me