Nothing Bundt Cake Copycat

Mid-February. The taper continues and the body continues to adjust and the adjustment is: manageable. The word "manageable" is the therapist's word, the medical word, the word that means: not great, not terrible, the middle ground where most of life happens. The anxiety is manageable. The dizziness has subsided. The emotional rawness has moderated. The brain is learning. The brain is remarkably adaptable, which is both reassuring (it can learn to function without the pill) and concerning (it learned to function with the pill so well that the without is a genuine challenge).

I made a new dish this week — something I've never made before: dobin mushi, the clear soup served in a teapot, the most elegant dish in Japanese home cooking. Shrimp, mushroom, ginkgo nut, and a sliver of yuzu peel, in a clear dashi broth so pure that the broth tastes like the idea of the ocean. The soup is served in a small teapot and you pour it into a cup and sip it and the sipping is the most refined act of eating I know, the eating-as-ceremony, the food-as-meditation. I made it because the meditation was needed. The brain needs ceremony right now. The brain needs the beauty of a clear broth poured from a teapot into a cup. The brain needs to know that the world contains things this beautiful, even when the chemistry is uncertain.

I wrote about the medication taper on the blog — the first time I've written publicly about the SSRI, about the twenty-four years, about the pill and the mat and the decision to try living without one of them. The post was the most vulnerable thing I've ever written. The post said: I have been on medication for anxiety since I was fifteen. I am going off it. I am scared. The post was shared eight thousand times. The comments were: "me too." "I'm thinking about this too." "Thank you for saying it." The "thank you for saying it" was the response that proved the saying was necessary, because the saying broke the silence around medication and the silence around medication is a silence I have been complicit in for twenty-four years and will not be complicit in anymore.

The dobin mushi satisfied something ceremonial in me, but ceremony needs a second act — something to share, something to carry into the next day when the silence you’ve broken is still echoing and the comments are still coming in and the brain is still learning. I wanted to make something abundant and beautiful that required no teapot, no yuzu, no ritual precision: something anyone could make, something I could bring to a neighbor, something that said the world is still generous. A bundt cake, frosted in cream cheese, ridiculous and lovely, felt exactly right.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 45 min | Total Time: 1 hr 5 min | Servings: 12

Ingredients

1 box (15.25 oz) white cake mix
1 box (3.4 oz) instant vanilla pudding mix
4 large eggs, room temperature
1 cup sour cream, room temperature
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup whole milk, room temperature
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup white chocolate chips
Cream Cheese Frosting:
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
3 cups powdered sugar, sifted
2 tablespoons heavy cream
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Pinch of salt

Instructions

Prepare the pan. Preheat oven to 350°F. Generously grease and flour a 10-cup bundt pan, getting into every crevice. Set aside.
Mix the batter. In a large bowl, whisk together the cake mix and pudding mix. Add the eggs, sour cream, vegetable oil, milk, and vanilla extract. Beat with a hand mixer on medium speed for 2 minutes until smooth and thick. Do not overmix.
Fold in the chips. Using a rubber spatula, gently fold in the white chocolate chips until evenly distributed throughout the batter.
Fill and bake. Pour the batter evenly into the prepared bundt pan, smoothing the top. Bake for 42–48 minutes, until a wooden skewer inserted into the thickest part comes out clean and the cake springs back lightly when touched.
Cool completely. Let the cake cool in the pan on a wire rack for exactly 20 minutes — no more, no less. Run a thin knife gently around the edges, then invert onto the rack and cool completely before frosting, at least 1 additional hour.
Make the frosting. Beat cream cheese and butter together on medium-high speed until completely smooth and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Reduce speed to low and gradually add the sifted powdered sugar. Add the heavy cream, vanilla, and salt, then beat on medium-high for 2 minutes until light and spreadable.
Frost the cake. Transfer frosting to a piping bag fitted with a large round tip (or a zip-lock bag with the corner snipped). Pipe thick, generous rosettes around the top of the bundt cake, following the ridges. The frosting should be lavish — this is not a cake that does anything halfway.
Serve. Slice and serve at room temperature. Store covered in the refrigerator for up to 4 days; bring to room temperature before serving.

Nutrition (per serving)

Nothing Bundt Cake Copycat — Beauty in the Manageable Middle