Makeover Dirt Dessert

Liam started kindergarten Monday. I walked him to school. I held his hand too tight. He did not complain. At the entrance he let go of my hand and turned and hugged me. He said "Mommy do not cry." I said "I am not going to cry, Buddy." He said "okay." He walked into the school with his backpack and his lunchbox (packed with a sandwich, apple slices, a cheese stick, and a note I had written that said "You are loved. Mommy"). I watched him disappear into the lobby. I walked back to the car. I cried in the car. I drove home. I dropped Nora at preschool — her first day too. She cried at drop-off for two minutes. Then she went in with her teacher. She was okay. She would be okay all day, I would learn.

I was alone in the house for the first time in five weeks. Both kids in school. The house was very quiet. I stood in the kitchen. I made coffee. I sat at the table. I did not know what to do. I had planned to study but I could not focus. I sat. I watched the light change. I cried. I drank coffee. I watched more light change. At 11 I got up. I went to the grocery. I bought ground lamb. I bought potatoes. I bought carrots and onion and peas. I came home. I made shepherd's pie. My first real cooking in five and a half weeks. The first meal with actual layers.

I made it the way Maureen makes it. The correct ratio of lamb to beef. The mashed potato crust. The peas. The gravy. I sang a little while I stirred — a song Sean and I had listened to. I cried during the mashing of the potatoes. I kept going. I put it in the oven. I set the timer. I waited. The house smelled like food. The house had not smelled like food in weeks. The smell filled the rooms. I cried more. I laughed a little.

At 2:30 I picked up Nora. At 3:30 I picked up Liam. They both had good first days. Liam had made a friend named Henry (different Henry) who also liked trucks. Nora had done a painting. They came home. The house smelled like shepherd's pie. Liam said "Mommy are you cooking." I said "yes." He said "what." I said "shepherd's pie." He said "the good one?" I said "the good one." He sat down at the table. Nora climbed up. I served them each a plate. I served myself. I sat.

Liam took a bite. He chewed. He closed his eyes. He said "Mommy this tastes like Grandma's." I said "it is Grandma's recipe." He said "oh. Good." He ate the whole plate. Nora ate half of hers. I ate mine — I ate a whole portion. I tasted. I tasted for the first time in five weeks. It tasted right. It tasted like my mother's kitchen and my husband's approval and my grandmother's grandmother's someone's kitchen and my children's next meals.

I am cooking again. I am not fully back. I am back in a small way. Shepherd's pie on a Monday. The first day of kindergarten. The second chapter. The thing that comes after.

After Liam told me the shepherd’s pie tasted like Grandma’s and cleaned his plate, I wanted to give them one more thing — something just for them, something that said you did it. I had Oreos in the pantry and cream cheese in the fridge, and I remembered this lighter version of dirt dessert I’d been meaning to try. It felt right: a little silly, a little sweet, and exactly the kind of thing you make when two small kids survive their first day and come home with paintings and new friends named Henry.

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 0 min | Total Time: 2 hr 20 min (includes chilling) | Servings: 12

Ingredients

1 package (8 oz) reduced-fat cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup powdered sugar
3 1/2 cups cold fat-free milk
2 packages (3.4 oz each) instant vanilla pudding mix
1 carton (12 oz) reduced-fat whipped topping, thawed
1 package (15.25 oz) Oreo cookies, crushed, divided
Gummy worms, for garnish (optional)

Instructions

Beat the cream cheese base. In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese and butter together until smooth and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Gradually beat in the powdered sugar until fully incorporated and creamy.
Make the pudding. In a separate large bowl, whisk together the cold fat-free milk and both packages of instant vanilla pudding mix for about 2 minutes, until the mixture begins to thicken. Let stand for 2 minutes.
Combine. Fold the cream cheese mixture into the pudding until smooth and well blended. Gently fold in the whipped topping until no streaks remain.
Layer the dessert. Spread half of the crushed Oreos across the bottom of a 13x9-inch dish or a large decorative bowl. Spoon the pudding mixture evenly over the cookie layer.
Top with “dirt.” Sprinkle the remaining crushed Oreos over the top to cover the pudding layer completely, creating the signature dirt effect.
Chill. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving. Garnish with gummy worms just before serving if desired.

Nutrition (per serving)

Makeover Dirt Dessert — Something Sweet for the First Day