Lemon Pasta — The Bowl He Finished on a Wednesday

First week of radiation and temozolomide. Daily drives to Dana-Farber, Monday through Friday, at 10 AM. I have rearranged my clinic schedule so my shifts start at noon on treatment days. Sean is cleared to keep teaching — he is doing one class period, his AP section, and one meeting with his department, and that is the extent of his work for the next six weeks. He was initially going to do more. The dean told him to do less. Sean listened. The dean is a former teacher from Sean's first school, who knew his father, and who has been quietly fantastic.

The treatment itself is short — maybe twenty minutes on the table including setup. Sean walks in, lies down, the mask goes on, they do the beam, they take him out, he walks out. He tolerated the first week well. Some fatigue Friday. Mild nausea Wednesday that the anti-emetics handled. His blood counts are fine so far. Dr. Pei's team is drawing labs weekly.

Liam told a kid at preschool "my daddy has a bald." I got a call from Miss Alicia. The kid had asked. Liam had explained. Miss Alicia said Liam had been factual and calm about it. She said she wanted me to know in case we wanted to do any follow-up. I said we had not told the preschool about Sean's diagnosis but that given the head and the fatigue and the medical appointments, she should know the outline. I gave her the outline. She cried a little. She is a good teacher. She said she would keep things normal for Liam and watch for any changes. She said "you let me know what you need. Anything. Food. A ride. Anything."

I have started to understand the economy of the offer of help. People offer. Some offer generically and do not mean it in a way that takes weight off you. Some offer specifically and will actually do the thing. Miss Alicia is the second kind. So is Linda. So is my mother, obviously. So is Meghan, who has been calling me every night at 11 PM and staying on the line as long as I need. So is Patrick, who dropped off groceries Friday without asking — just delivered them, put them away, left. That is the kind of help that actually helps. I am a nurse. I know who's who.

Saturday pancakes. Sean made them. First time since the surgery. He sat on the stool at the stove — we moved a tall stool to the stove for this exact purpose — and flipped them slower than he usually would. Liam watched, elbow on the counter, chin in his hand. Nora sat in her booster. Sean flipped the pancakes. The first one burned, as always. Sean ate the first one. This is the ritual. This is what we are going to keep doing. I stood by the counter and drank coffee and watched him flip pancakes from a stool with a cap on his head. This is one of the hardest things I have ever watched, and also one of the most ordinary, and also one of the most precious. All three at once. I did not let my face do what my face wanted to do. I drank my coffee. Saturday was a Saturday. The pancakes were the pancakes.

I made soft pasta for dinner Wednesday — plain shells, butter, parmesan, a little cream. His stomach was up to it. He ate a full bowl. Good.

Wednesday was the nausea day — the anti-emetics did their job, but I wasn’t going to push it. I needed something that would sit gently, taste like something real, and come together without any drama from me or from him. Shells with butter and cream was what I had in me to make, and lemon pasta is its close cousin — soft, quiet, a little brightness to cut the richness, and nothing that would give his stomach any reason to argue. He ate a full bowl. That was the whole point. That was enough.

Lemon Pasta

Prep Time: 5 minutes | Cook Time: 15 minutes | Total Time: 20 minutes | Servings: 4

Ingredients

• 12 oz pasta (spaghetti, linguine, or small shells)
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• Zest of 1 large lemon
• 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (about 1 large lemon)
• 3/4 cup freshly grated parmesan, plus more for serving
• 1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more for pasta water
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 cup pasta cooking water, reserved
• Fresh parsley, chopped, for garnish (optional)

Instructions

1. Boil the pasta. Bring a large pot of well-salted water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package directions until al dente. Before draining, reserve 1/4 cup of the starchy cooking water. Drain and set aside.
2. Build the sauce. In a large skillet over medium-low heat, melt butter with olive oil. Add garlic and cook, stirring, for about 1 minute until fragrant but not browned.
3. Add cream and lemon. Pour in the heavy cream and stir to combine. Add lemon zest and lemon juice. Let the mixture simmer gently for 2—3 minutes until slightly thickened.
4. Finish with parmesan. Reduce heat to low. Add the grated parmesan a little at a time, stirring continuously until melted and smooth. Season with salt and pepper.
5. Toss the pasta. Add the drained pasta to the skillet and toss to coat. If the sauce is too thick, add reserved pasta water a tablespoon at a time until the consistency is silky and loose enough to coat every strand.
6. Serve. Divide into bowls. Top with extra parmesan and a small handful of fresh parsley if using. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 520 | Protein: 16g | Fat: 24g | Carbs: 62g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 420mg