Kipplens — Rolling Dough When the Days Get Hard

The retirement decision is now semi-public — I told my department head, who told the principal (who already knew), who told the guidance counselors, who will tell the students at the appropriate time, which is not yet, because telling students their teacher is leaving is a delicate business that must be managed with the same care as telling children their goldfish died: the truth must be delivered with context and compassion and the assurance that life will continue and another fish — another teacher — will arrive. I am the goldfish in this analogy. I do not love this analogy.

Marvin is having more bad days than good ones — a ratio that has been shifting for months but which has now crossed some invisible threshold where the bad days are the default and the good days are the exception. Bad days: confusion, agitation, not knowing where he is, not knowing who I am. Good days: calm, present, eating well, recognizing the house if not always the woman in it. The neurologist says this is expected. David says this is expected. I say: I don't care if it's expected. Expected grief is still grief. Expected decline is still decline. The expecting does not cushion the experience. It just gives you a name for the thing that's crushing you.

I made apple cider donuts — a fall indulgence, fried dough rolled in cinnamon sugar, the kind of thing you buy at a farm stand and eat standing up and get sugar on your coat. I made them at home because I wanted the process — the mixing, the rolling, the frying, the coating — I wanted my hands busy and my mind occupied with something that has a beginning and a middle and an end and that the end of which is a warm donut that tastes like autumn. The donuts were perfect. I ate three. I did not feel guilty. Guilt is for the retirement. The donuts are innocent.

The donuts taught me something I didn’t know I needed to learn: that what I was really after wasn’t the eating, it was the doing — the rolling, the shaping, the coating, the whole small ceremony of it. Kipplens give me the same thing. They’re old-fashioned and a little fussy and they involve getting powdered sugar on everything, which is fine, because some messes are worth making. When the ratio of bad days to good ones has shifted the way Marvin’s has, and when the word “retirement” is out there now and can’t be taken back, these are the cookies I reach for — not because they fix anything, but because shaping crescents and rolling them in sugar is something I can finish, and finishing something matters more than I ever knew.

Kipplens

Prep Time: 25 minutes | Chill Time: 30 minutes | Cook Time: 15 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour 10 minutes | Servings: 36 cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar, plus 1 1/2 cups more for rolling
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon fine salt
• 1 cup finely ground walnuts or pecans
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (optional, for rolling sugar)

Instructions

1. Make the dough. Beat softened butter and 1/2 cup powdered sugar together with a hand or stand mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Mix in vanilla extract until combined.
2. Add dry ingredients. Reduce mixer to low and add flour, salt, and ground nuts. Mix until a soft dough comes together. It will be slightly crumbly — that’s expected.
3. Chill. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes. This helps the crescents hold their shape during baking.
4. Preheat and shape. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Scoop rounded tablespoons of dough and roll each into a small log about 2 1/2 inches long, then curve the ends gently to form a crescent. Place 1 inch apart on prepared sheets.
5. Bake. Bake for 13 to 15 minutes, until the bottoms are just lightly golden and the tops are set but still pale. Do not overbake — they should not brown much on top.
6. First roll. While the cookies are still warm (but not too hot to handle), gently roll each one in the remaining powdered sugar — mixed with cinnamon if using — until well coated. Set on a wire rack to cool completely.
7. Second roll. Once fully cooled, roll the kipplens in powdered sugar a second time for a thick, snowy coating. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 10 days.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 112 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 7g | Carbs: 11g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 28mg