Kale, Fennel & Rice Gratin -- The Recipe I Made the Night I Came Home

The first week of retirement. The word feels wrong — "retirement" suggests leisure, suggests choice, suggests a woman with a plan for relaxation and hobbies and travel. My retirement is none of those things. My retirement is a career change: from hospital nurse to home nurse, from oncology to ALS, from many patients to one. Monday morning: I woke at 5:30, as always. Made coffee, as always. Sat at the kitchen table with Sven, as always. But I didn't put on scrubs. I didn't check the hospital schedule. I didn't drive to St. Mary's. I sat in the kitchen and looked at the lake and drank my coffee and at seven AM I heard Paul moving upstairs and I went up and helped him with his shirt. The shirt. This is the new morning routine. Paul can still dress himself — mostly — but the buttons are impossible now for both hands. The left hand doesn't work. The right hand is weakening. I stand behind him and button the shirt from bottom to top, and he stands still and lets me, and neither of us mentions that six months ago he did this alone and now he can't. I button the shirt. I help with the belt. I tie the tie on the days he teaches. The intimacy of it is different from any other intimacy we've shared in thirty years — it's tender and clinical and devastating, the intimacy of a body that needs help with the basics, and the person providing the help is the same person who used to unbotton those buttons for entirely different reasons. My colleagues at St. Mary's gave me a plaque. I picked it up on Wednesday — they'd held a small ceremony that I'd missed because I left before they organized it (on purpose — I didn't want a big goodbye because big goodbyes are for people who are leaving happily and I'm not leaving happily, I'm leaving necessarily). The plaque says: "Linda Johansson, RN. 33 Years of Compassionate Care. St. Mary's Medical Center, 1985-2018." I put it on the shelf in the kitchen, next to Paul's shipwreck books. I didn't cry at the ceremony because I wasn't there. I cried when I read the plaque in the car. Then I put it on the shelf and I went back to the kitchen and I made dinner. Dinner: wild rice soup. My recipe. The Minnesota recipe that is mine and not Mamma's. Fifty gallons every Thursday at the Damiano Center, but tonight just enough for two. Paul ate a bowl and said, "You're still nursing, Linda. You're just nursing me." I said, "You're a harder patient than most." He said, "I have a better nurse than most." One patient. One nurse. The same kitchen. The same table. The same two places set. The work continues.

The night I picked up the plaque and read it alone in the car, I came home and stood in the kitchen for a long moment before I knew what to do with myself — and then I started this gratin, because rice needs tending and kale needs coaxing and the whole slow process of it gave me somewhere to put my hands. This Kale, Fennel & Rice Gratin is what I reach for when the day has been too large to talk about; it’s earthy and warm and it fills the house with a smell that says someone here is being taken care of. Paul ate two helpings and said nothing about the shirt or the plaque or the thirty-three years, and that was exactly the right amount of words.

Kale, Fennel & Rice Gratin

Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 45 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour 5 minutes | Servings: 6

Ingredients

• 1 cup long-grain white rice or wild rice blend
• 2 cups low-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
• 1 large bunch curly kale (about 6 cups), stems removed, leaves roughly chopped
• 1 medium fennel bulb, cored and thinly sliced, fronds reserved
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons olive oil, plus more for the dish
• 1 cup whole milk
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 cup shredded Gruyère or Parmesan cheese, divided
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted

Instructions

1. Preheat and prep. Preheat your oven to 375°F. Lightly oil a 9x13-inch baking dish and set aside.
2. Par-cook the rice. Combine rice and broth in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 12 minutes — the rice should be about 3/4 cooked and still slightly firm. It will finish in the oven. Remove from heat and set aside.
3. Sauté the aromatics. Heat olive oil in a large, deep skillet or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onion and fennel and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and beginning to turn golden, about 8–10 minutes. Add the garlic and cook 1 minute more.
4. Wilt the kale. Add the chopped kale to the skillet in two or three batches, stirring each addition until wilted before adding the next, about 4–5 minutes total. Season with thyme, nutmeg, salt, and pepper.
5. Build the gratin mixture. Pour in the milk and cream and stir to combine. Fold in the par-cooked rice and 3/4 cup of the shredded cheese. Taste and adjust salt as needed.
6. Assemble and top. Transfer the mixture to the prepared baking dish and spread it evenly. Combine the panko breadcrumbs with the melted butter and the remaining 1/4 cup cheese; scatter evenly over the top.
7. Bake. Bake uncovered for 35–40 minutes, until the top is deeply golden and the edges are bubbling. If the top browns before the center is set, tent loosely with foil for the last 10 minutes.
8. Rest and serve. Let the gratin rest for 10 minutes before serving. Scatter a few reserved fennel fronds over the top if you like. Serve warm, straight from the dish.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 335 | Protein: 12g | Fat: 15g | Carbs: 39g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 490mg