By February, and Valentine's Day is celebrated with Robert's latest creation: a wooden box, sized to hold the letters that readers have been sending about the cookbook. The box is cherry, hand-joined, with "Parsonage Kitchen" carved in the lid, and the box is the companion to the cedar recipe box he built six years ago, and the two boxes are the two containers of the same love: one holding the recipes, the other holding the responses, the input and the output of a life lived in the kitchen.
James took the bar exam in February. He called afterward with the same voice he had after the LSAT — flat, reverberant, the voice of a man who has been evaluated and who cannot yet assess the evaluation. He said, "I think I passed." I said, "I know you did." The knowing was not knowledge. It was faith. The faith is what I have. The faith is what I give.
Mama has been gone for ten months. The ten months are both long (the longest I have lived without her) and short (the briefest absence in a relationship that lasted fifty-two years). The grief has softened from acute to chronic — not less painful but less sharp, the pain having traded its edge for its depth, the depth being the more permanent state, the state I will carry for the rest of my life, the way I carry the cast-iron skillet: with both hands, with care, with the understanding that the weight is the value.
I visited Joy on Saturday. Joy has been painting self-portraits — a series, each one different, each one Joy's face as Joy sees it: sometimes purple, sometimes blue, always smiling, the smile the constant in a series of variations, the smile that is Joy's signature, Joy's brand, Joy's way of being in the world. I asked Joy if she misses Mama. She said, "Mama is with Daddy." The sentence was simple and theological and correct and I did not cry. The not-crying was the ten months. The ten months were the practice.
I made chocolate mousse — the Valentine's dessert, dark, rich, the dessert of a marriage that has survived twenty-seven years and that continues to survive and that does not require survival anymore. It requires companionship. And the companionship is the mousse. And the mousse is the love.
The mousse itself is its own ritual, but what I come back to every February — what I reach for when I want something that feels like Robert handing me a carved box, like Joy’s smile, like faith offered instead of knowledge — is the sauce that goes beneath it, or beside it, or over whatever we have in the freezer when the day calls for chocolate and I do not have the energy for anything more than a saucepan and a wooden spoon. This hot fudge sauce is dark and rich in exactly the way the story is dark and rich: it carries weight, and the weight is the point.
Hot Fudge Sauce
Prep Time: 5 minutes | Cook Time: 10 minutes | Total Time: 15 minutes | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup heavy cream
- 1/2 cup light corn syrup
- 1/3 cup packed dark brown sugar
- 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
- 6 ounces good-quality bittersweet chocolate (60–70% cacao), finely chopped
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Instructions
- Combine the base. In a medium heavy-bottomed saucepan, whisk together the heavy cream, corn syrup, brown sugar, cocoa powder, and salt over medium heat until the sugar is fully dissolved and the mixture is smooth, about 3 minutes.
- Bring to a simmer. Increase heat to medium-high and bring the mixture to a low boil, stirring constantly. Let it boil for 2 minutes — the sauce will thicken slightly and turn glossy.
- Melt in the chocolate. Remove the pan from heat. Add the chopped bittersweet chocolate and butter. Let sit undisturbed for 1 minute, then stir slowly from the center outward until completely smooth and combined.
- Finish with vanilla. Stir in the vanilla extract. The sauce will be pourable and glossy. Taste and add a small pinch more salt if desired — salt deepens the chocolate.
- Serve or store. Serve warm over ice cream, cake, or alongside a chocolate mousse. To store, transfer to a jar, cool to room temperature, cover, and refrigerate for up to 2 weeks. Reheat gently in a saucepan over low heat or in 20-second microwave intervals, stirring between each.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 230 | Protein: 2g | Fat: 13g | Carbs: 30g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 85mg