Homemade Espresso Martini

I am pregnant. Two lines on a test at 5:30 in the morning on Saturday, June 4th — I know the exact time because I was awake and I looked at the clock before I took the test and then I looked at it again when I saw the lines and it said 5:32. I sat down on the bathroom floor and I held the test in both hands and I thought: okay. Okay. It is happening. It is real.

I called Ryan at the firehouse. He answered on the second ring, which means he was already awake, which is not unusual for the second half of an overnight shift. I said: Ryan. He said: what. I said: I am pregnant. He did not say anything for a moment and then I heard him say something to someone else in the background and then the sound of his crew cheering, which he had not been subtle enough to prevent by going somewhere private, and then he came back and said: are you okay. I said: yes. He said: are you sure. I said: yes. He said: I will be home at seven. I said: okay. He said: I love you. I said: I know. I love you too.

I called Patty at 7:15. The real 7:15, not early, not late. She picked up and said just checking in and I said Mom I am pregnant and she did not say anything for a moment and then she said oh my God and then she cried for a while and I let her. Steve in the background said what. Patty told him. Steve said: about time. That is the Steve Kowalczyk response to the announcement that his youngest daughter is having a child. It is exactly right. I love him so much.

Babcia Rose. Baby the size of a blueberry. I sat in the kitchen with my coffee after Ryan got home and we sat together and I held the test and he held my hand and neither of us said anything for a while. We did not need to. The thing we had been building toward was here. It was real. It was real and small and beginning.

I was not making cocktails that morning — I was just holding my coffee, sitting next to Ryan at the kitchen table, not saying anything, which was exactly right. But I have been thinking about this recipe ever since, because Ryan is going to need a proper celebration drink when he gets his next night off, and I am going to want to hand him something that feels like the moment: rich and dark and a little electric, something that says everything is different now in the best possible way. I’ll be on decaf for a while, so I’ll live through him on this one.

Prep Time: 5 minutes | Cook Time: 0 minutes | Total Time: 5 minutes | Servings: 1

Ingredients

2 oz vodka
1 oz freshly brewed espresso, cooled slightly
1/2 oz coffee liqueur (such as Kahlua)
1/2 oz simple syrup
Ice, for shaking
3 espresso beans, for garnish

Instructions

Brew the espresso. Pull a shot of fresh espresso and allow it to cool for 3—4 minutes. Using hot espresso will melt the ice too quickly and dilute the drink.
Fill the shaker. Add a generous handful of ice to a cocktail shaker. Pour in the vodka, cooled espresso, coffee liqueur, and simple syrup.
Shake hard. Seal the shaker and shake vigorously for 15—20 seconds. You want the outside of the shaker to feel very cold — this is what builds the signature foam on top.
Strain and pour. Double-strain through a fine mesh strainer into a chilled martini or coupe glass to achieve a smooth, frothy top layer.
Garnish. Float 3 espresso beans in the center of the foam. Serve immediately.

Nutrition (per serving)

Homemade Espresso Martini — The Cup I Held While the World Changed