Hearty Alfredo Potatoes

The second week has been about routine. I am writing from Eunji's apartment, where James and I moved Wednesday for three nights. Eunji has cooked for us both nights. She is a better cook than Jisoo says she is — Jisoo is always modest about her daughter's abilities, but Eunji made a jjampong on Thursday that was, I am allowed to say, slightly better than mine. She laughed when I told her. She said, "Unnie. You have been doing this for a year. I have been doing this my whole life. It is okay that I am better. You will get there."

Eunji is twenty-two. She is sharper than I was at twenty-two. She is studying to be a nurse. She is engaged to a boy named Min-gyu who I met Thursday night — a sweet, quiet boy who is apprenticing as a physical therapist. Min-gyu brought a bottle of soju and Eunji and I drank it in her kitchen while the boys went to a bar down the street. She said, "Unnie. I was very afraid of you for a long time. I thought you would be loud and American and come into our family and change everything. I was wrong." I said, "I was afraid you would be cold to me and I would not know how to get past it." She said, "I was a little cold. I am sorry. I was scared." I said, "I was scared too." We drank. We talked for four hours. She told me stories about Jisoo I did not know — the year Jisoo stopped eating doenjang because it reminded her of me (she had not known why, consciously; she had just found the taste unbearable for a year); the time Jisoo took Eunji and Jihoon to the Eastern Social Welfare Society building in Seoul without explanation when they were small and stood outside it for twenty minutes; the way Jisoo cries every year in March without saying why, and now we know why — it is my birth month. I wrote these stories down in my notebook after Eunji went to bed. They are gifts. I will treasure them.

I went with Jisoo to visit her mother's grave on Friday. The grave is on a hillside outside of Busan. We brought makgeolli and a dish of songpyeon. We poured the makgeolli on the grave. Jisoo bowed. I bowed. Jisoo said, in Korean, to her dead mother, "Umma. This is my daughter Dahee. I brought her home. I told you I would someday. Here she is." I bowed again, lower, and I said in Korean, "Grandmother. Thank you. I am here." The wind moved through the grass. Jisoo held my hand on the walk back to the car. We did not speak. She cried quietly. I cried quietly. James walked behind us, giving us the space.

I am going to be a different person when I come home. I already am. I can feel it.

Saturday is my birthday in advance — it is not my birthday in America yet (July 14 is still a month away) but Jisoo wanted to make me a birthday meal before I leave. She made miyeokguk. The birthday soup. The one I had made for the first time in August 2021 in preparation for the first call. She made it slow, with small cubes of beef, and the broth was mineral-deep and dark green. I ate it at her kitchen table on Sunday morning while Jun-ho read a newspaper and Jisoo sat across from me smiling. She said, "I did not get to feed you this when you were born. I am feeding you now." I ate every drop.

The recipe this week is Jisoo's miyeokguk — dried seaweed, soaked; small cubes of beef, sautéed in sesame oil; water; soy sauce; garlic; a long simmer. That is all. It tastes like an ocean in a bowl. It tastes like a mother. It tastes like twenty-eight years of absence and one year of finding and one week of being here and I am okay.

I have been thinking, since I came home, about what it means to be fed. Jisoo ladled miyeokguk into my bowl with two hands. Eunji stood at her stove and did not let me help. There is a kind of love that moves through food before it moves through words, and I felt it all week in ways I am still processing. This Hearty Alfredo Potatoes recipe is not miyeokguk—it is not even close—but when I made it the night after we landed back in the States, jet-lagged and quietly full of feeling, it did the same thing: it was warm, it was creamy, it was the kind of food you make when you want to say you are safe here without saying anything at all. I made it for James and I ate it slowly and I thought about Jisoo smiling across the table while I finished my soup.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 50 min | Total Time: 1 hr 5 min | Servings: 6

Ingredients

2 lbs Yukon Gold potatoes, scrubbed and cut into 3/4-inch cubes
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
1 1/2 cups freshly grated Parmesan cheese, divided
4 oz cream cheese, softened and cut into cubes
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 cup shredded rotisserie chicken (optional, for a heartier version)
2 tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped, for garnish

Instructions

Preheat and prep. Preheat your oven to 375°F (190°C). Lightly grease a 9x13-inch baking dish with butter or nonstick spray and set aside.
Parboil the potatoes. Place the cubed potatoes in a large pot and cover with cold salted water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat and cook for 8–10 minutes, until just barely fork-tender but not fully cooked through. Drain well and spread into the prepared baking dish.
Build the Alfredo sauce. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the minced garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 minute until fragrant. Pour in the heavy cream and milk and bring to a gentle simmer. Add the cream cheese cubes and stir until fully melted and smooth, about 3–4 minutes.
Finish the sauce. Remove from heat and whisk in 1 cup of the Parmesan, the onion powder, nutmeg, salt, and pepper until the sauce is smooth and glossy. Taste and adjust seasoning.
Assemble. If using chicken, scatter it evenly over the potatoes. Pour the Alfredo sauce over everything, nudging the potatoes gently so the sauce settles around them. Sprinkle the remaining 1/2 cup Parmesan evenly over the top.
Bake. Transfer to the oven and bake uncovered for 30–35 minutes, until the top is golden and bubbling at the edges and the potatoes are completely tender when pierced with a knife.
Rest and serve. Let the dish rest for 5 minutes out of the oven. Scatter the fresh parsley over the top and serve warm, directly from the baking dish.

Nutrition (per serving)

Hearty Alfredo Potatoes — On Being Fed by Someone Who Loves You