Healthy Dark Chocolate Almond Joy Bites

Noah's winter concert — virtual this year, recorded in the school auditorium and streamed online. I watched from Grinnell, on the iPad, sitting next to Mom on the couch. Noah played "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" with the jazz band, a solo that lasted sixteen bars, and the notes were clear and lonely and beautiful, the way Christmas music should be when it's played by a fourteen-year-old who has learned that music can hold things that words can't — grief and hope and the specific ache of a season that is celebrating and mourning at the same time.

Mom listened. She closed her eyes and she listened to her grandson play jazz through a screen and her face did the thing that Marlene's face does when she's receiving something she loves, which is nothing — the face goes still, the expression neutral, the emotion moving inward instead of outward, the Weber way of feeling, privately, completely, without display. When the solo ended, she opened her eyes and said, "He's good." I said, "He is." She said, "He gets it from you." I said, "I don't play saxophone, Mom." She said, "You make things beautiful. Same thing."

I made Christmas fudge — the Marlene recipe, candy thermometer, twenty minutes of stirring, don't stop stirring. The fudge set perfectly. I cut it into squares and put it on a plate on the table, the center of the table, where it belongs. Mom ate a square. One square of fudge. The chocolate on her lips. The smile. The small pleasure of sugar and cocoa on a December afternoon when the diagnosis is months old and the prognosis is weeks and the fudge doesn't care about prognosis, the fudge cares about temperature and timing and the woman who stirs it, and I am the woman who stirs it and I will stir it every December for the rest of my life and the stirring will be the prayer and the fudge will be the offering and the twenty minutes of not stopping will be the devotion.

The Christmas tree is up in Grinnell — small, like last year, five feet, the same ornaments, the same angel on top, the same warm white lights. Mom looked at the tree and said, "It needs the corn." The ceramic ear of corn. The ornament she gave me as a joke that I hung with sincerity. It's in Des Moines, on my tree. I told her. She said, "Get it." I drove to Des Moines, got the corn, drove back, hung it on the Grinnell tree. A hundred and sixty miles round trip for a ceramic ear of corn. The most Iowa thing I've ever done. The tree needed the corn. The corn is on the tree. The tree is complete.

Mom’s fudge recipe lives in my hands now — in the stirring, the thermometer, the patience of it — and I’ll be making it every December for as long as I can stand at a stove. But on the days between, when I need chocolate the way you need a hymn you already know by heart, I reach for these dark chocolate almond joy bites: no thermometer, no twenty minutes, just good chocolate and coconut and the kind of small sweetness that asks nothing of you except to be present for it. They’re not Marlene’s fudge — nothing will ever be Marlene’s fudge — but they belong to the same season, the same table, the same understanding that sugar and cocoa are their own kind of offering.

Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 5 minutes | Total Time: 45 minutes (includes chilling) | Servings: 20 bites

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups dark chocolate chips (70% cacao or higher)
1 tablespoon coconut oil
1 1/2 cups unsweetened shredded coconut
3 tablespoons honey or pure maple syrup
2 tablespoons full-fat coconut milk
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
20 whole raw almonds

Instructions

Prepare the pan. Line a baking sheet or large plate with parchment paper and set aside.
Make the coconut filling. In a medium bowl, stir together the shredded coconut, honey (or maple syrup), coconut milk, vanilla extract, and a pinch of the sea salt until the mixture holds together when pressed. If it seems dry, add coconut milk one teaspoon at a time.
Shape the filling. Scoop about one tablespoon of coconut mixture and press it firmly into a small oval or round disk roughly 1 inch wide. Place on the prepared parchment. Repeat with remaining filling — you should get about 20 pieces. Press one whole almond gently into the top of each disk.
Chill the filling. Transfer the baking sheet to the freezer for 15 minutes, until the coconut disks are firm and cold.
Melt the chocolate. Combine the dark chocolate chips and coconut oil in a small saucepan over the lowest heat setting, stirring constantly until just melted and smooth, about 3 to 5 minutes. Remove from heat immediately. Alternatively, melt in a microwave-safe bowl in 30-second intervals, stirring between each.
Coat the bites. Working quickly, use a fork to lower each chilled coconut-almond disk into the melted chocolate, turning to coat all sides. Let the excess drip off, then return to the parchment. Sprinkle lightly with remaining sea salt before the chocolate sets.
Set and serve. Refrigerate the coated bites for at least 15 minutes, until the chocolate shell is fully firm. Serve cold or at cool room temperature. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to two weeks.

Nutrition (per serving)

Healthy Dark Chocolate Almond Joy Bites — The Fudge Is a Prayer, and So Is This