Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup

Lourdes came over today. She does this — shows up unannounced with grocery bags and opinions, both in quantities larger than necessary. Today's bags contained pork shoulder, a mountain of garlic, three cans of coconut milk, and a silent assessment of whether her eldest daughter is eating enough. She looked at my fridge (half empty), my sink (clean), and my face (tired but upright) and apparently decided I passed inspection, because she put on an apron and said, "We're making bicol express."

Bicol express is pork cooked in coconut milk with shrimp paste and an unholy amount of chili peppers. It's from the Bicol region, not Iloilo, but Lourdes adopted it years ago because Reynaldo loved it — loved the heat, loved the coconut richness, loved anything that made his forehead sweat. Making it now is an act of love and remembrance and also a test, because bicol express requires attention and Lourdes wanted to see if I could stand at a stove for forty minutes without drifting.

I could. I minced the garlic while she cubed the pork. She moved slower than I remember — she's sixty-six now, her knees protesting decades of home health aide work, driving icy roads to care for other people's parents because her own were in Iloilo — but her knife work was still precise. Lourdes with a knife is an artist. Lourdes with a spatula is a general. She directed me through the recipe with the same gentle forcefulness she uses for everything: not quite a command, not quite a suggestion, something in between that Filipino mothers have perfected into an art form that allows no refusal.

We cooked together and she didn't ask about therapy or the nightmares or the ER. She talked about Angela's new boyfriend James — "He's Korean, very polite, eats everything I cook, I approve" — and Mark in San Diego — "He never calls enough" — and Joseph — "That boy will drown and it will be my fault for bringing him to Alaska." Standard Lourdes programming. The love expressed as worry, the worry expressed as food.

When the bicol express was done, we ate it with rice at my kitchen table and the heat of the chilies made my eyes water and I let it, because crying over spice is acceptable in a way that crying over everything else isn't, and sometimes you need the cover. Lourdes patted my hand when she left. Just once. Didn't say anything. The pat said enough. My mother communicates in touches and recipes. I'm learning to read both.

She didn’t choose bicol express by accident, and I didn’t choose this recipe by accident either. After Lourdes left that afternoon, I stood in my kitchen wanting something that felt like her hand on mine — warm, simple, asking nothing of me. Grilled cheese and tomato soup is the American equivalent of what my mother does with chilies and coconut milk: it’s food that holds you together when you can’t hold yourself. I’ve been making this version on the hard days, the bread going golden in the pan while the soup simmers down into something that tastes like being taken care of.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 15 min | Total Time: 30 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

For the soup:

2 tablespoons olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 28-ounce can and 1 15-ounce can crushed fire roasted tomatoes
1 quart vegetable broth
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
2 tablespoons salted butter
Optional: 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil, 1 splash heavy cream

For the grilled cheese:

2 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 slices sourdough bread
3 to 4 tablespoons grated smoked gouda cheese
3 to 4 tablespoons grated cheddar cheese (or other cheese of choice)
1 tablespoon fig, tomato or apricot jam, 1 teaspoon honey, or 6 apple or pear slices

Instructions

Start the soup. Heat the olive oil to medium heat. Add the minced garlic and cook for 30 seconds to 1 minute until light brown and fragrant. Stir in both cans of tomatoes, vegetable broth, garlic powder, onion powder, 1/2 teaspoon of the salt, and basil (if using). Bring to a simmer.
Simmer. Simmer 15 to 20 minutes until slightly thickened and the tomato flavor mellows.
Make the grilled cheese. Spread mayonnaise on the outside of each slice of bread, and jam or honey on the inside of one of the slices. Place a skillet over medium high heat and add one slice of bread, mayo side down. Top with the shredded cheese (and apple, if using) and other slice of bread. Cook until the bread is golden brown and toasted, then flip and cook a few minutes more until the second bread slice is toasted and the cheese is warm. If you’re making multiple sandwiches, make the sandwiches as noted, then bake them on an oiled or parchment lined baking sheet at 450 degrees Fahrenheit for about 5 minutes per side, until golden brown.
Blend and finish. Immersion blend the soup or carefully transfer to a blender and blend until smooth (this step makes it creamier; you can skip this step if you’re ok with the texture as is). Then stir in the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt and 2 tablespoons salted butter. For a richer soup, you can also stir in a splash of heavy cream.

Nutrition (per serving)

Not available for this recipe.

Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup — The Comfort My Mother Would Have Made If She’d Known the Words