By The house is on vigil now. Sean sleeps most of the time. He wakes for short periods. He drinks a little broth. He eats a spoon of ice cream. He says a few words. He sleeps again. Lucia comes daily. The aide comes twice a day. My mother and Grace are here all day. Sean Sr. is coming down every day — my father, who does not drive to Quincy casually, has been making the drive every day for a week. He sits in the chair by the bed for an hour. He does not talk much. He holds Sean's hand. Sometimes he tells Sean a story about the firehouse. Sometimes he just sits. Sean responds to him. Sean squeezes his hand.
Meghan came Saturday and stayed through Monday. She slept on the couch. She took over everything. She made the household run. She played with the kids for hours. She brought groceries. She did laundry. She did not ask what I needed. She did what was obviously needed. She is my sister. She is my sister.
Patrick came Wednesday after shift. He sat with Sean for an hour. He said the things he wanted to say. He kissed Sean's forehead when he left. He hugged me. He said "Kate. I love you. I love Sean." I said "I know, Patrick." He drove home.
Father Donnelly came Thursday. He sat with Sean for an hour. He prayed. He held Sean's hand. He said the prayers for the sick. He gave Sean the Eucharist — a very small piece, placed on Sean's tongue, which Sean received. He made the sign of the cross on Sean's forehead. He said "Sean. You are a good man. God loves you. Your family loves you. Go gently when you go." Sean said "thank you, Father." Father Donnelly blessed the room. He blessed me. He hugged me at the door. He said "Kate. You are doing this right. You will never forget that you did this right." I said "thank you, Father."
Liam has slept in Sean's bed every night. He is calm. He is eating. He is playing during the day. Miss Alicia called Monday — she had heard through the preschool network — and asked if we wanted to continue preschool. I said yes. Keep the structure. He is better with structure. She said they would do extra gentle things for him. They have been.
Nora asked Thursday "when is Daddy better." I said "Nora. Daddy is very sick. Daddy will not be better. At some point Daddy will not be here with us." She said "okay Mommy." She went back to her blocks. She is three. She does not yet grasp permanence. She grasps today. She is okay today.
I sit with Sean. I read to him. I tell him stories about when we met. About the proposal at Fenway. About our wedding at St. Brigid's. About the day Liam was born. About the day Nora was born. About the pancakes. About every Saturday. He listens. He squeezes my hand. He says "Kate" occasionally. He says "love you." I say "I love you, Sean." I am there. I am holding. I am ready.
Sean could eat so little — a few sips of broth, a small spoon of ice cream — and the rest of us had to eat something too, though none of us much wanted to. My mother made this on Thursday, after Father Donnelly left. She didn’t ask. She just went to the kitchen and came back with it warm, in small bowls, one for each of us. It is a Pietz family recipe — her mother’s, and her grandmother’s before that — and it is the thing she makes when she doesn’t know what else to do with her hands. We ate it at the kitchen table while Sean slept, and it was, somehow, enough.
Grandma Pietz’s Cranberry Cake Pudding
Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 45 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour | Servings: 9
Ingredients
- 2 cups fresh or frozen cranberries
- 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 cup granulated sugar, divided
- 1/2 cup whole milk
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- For the warm butter sauce:
- 1/2 cup unsalted butter
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup heavy cream
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Pinch of salt
Instructions
- Preheat and prepare. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease an 8x8-inch baking dish and set aside.
- Toss the cranberries. Spread the cranberries in the bottom of the prepared baking dish. Sprinkle 1/4 cup of the granulated sugar over the cranberries and toss gently to coat.
- Make the batter. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, remaining 3/4 cup sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the milk, melted butter, and vanilla extract, stirring until a thick, smooth batter forms.
- Assemble. Drop spoonfuls of batter over the sugared cranberries and spread gently with a spatula — it does not need to be perfectly even. The batter will spread as it bakes.
- Bake. Bake for 40 to 45 minutes, until the top is golden and a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake layer comes out clean. The cranberries below will be bubbling and jammy.
- Make the butter sauce. In the last 10 minutes of baking, melt the butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add the sugar and heavy cream, stirring constantly. Bring to a gentle simmer and cook for 3 to 4 minutes until slightly thickened. Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla and salt.
- Serve warm. Spoon the cake pudding into small bowls and ladle the warm butter sauce generously over each serving. It is best eaten the day it is made, while the sauce is still warm and the cake is still soft.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 310 | Protein: 3g | Fat: 13g | Carbs: 47g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 175mg