By May 2029. I turn forty-seven. Clara Grace is one month old. Being a grandmother is a specific and disorienting joy that I was not prepared for by anything I'd read or been told, which suggests that being told things is an imperfect preparation for the actual experience of love. You don't know it until you're in it. I am completely in it.
The freezer delivery happened: I showed up at Ethan and Mia's house with twelve meals in cooler bags and set up their freezer while Mia nursed the baby in the other room and Ethan stood in the kitchen watching me organize everything and said, "You always know what to do." I said, "I just know what helps." He said, "That's the same thing." It might be.
My birthday: Gary's grilled salmon (again, because it's become the tradition and the tradition is right), the four-layer cake that Mason and Noah collaborated on last year and that Mason made alone this year because Noah is in his final months at home. A card from Olivia via text because she's in D.C. and sends the longest most specific texts of any of my children. A call from Ethan while Clara Grace was making sounds in the background, small sounds, the sounds of someone who is new to the world and discovering that it's full of things.
Forty-seven with a granddaughter. My life is large. I want to be in every inch of it.
The four-layer cake was Mason’s domain this year, and Gary had the salmon handled — so my contribution to the sweetness of forty-seven was these Gooey Butter Cookies, which I’ve made enough times now that they feel like mine. There’s something about a cookie that’s rich and soft and slightly more than you expected that felt exactly right for a birthday week when everything was already more than I expected — the granddaughter, the freezer meals, Ethan’s face in that kitchen. When your life is large, you reach for something that matches it.
Gooey Butter Cookies
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 12 min | Total Time: 27 min | Servings: 36 cookies
Ingredients
- 8 oz cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
- 1 egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 box (15.25 oz) yellow cake mix
- 1/2 cup powdered sugar, for rolling
Instructions
- Preheat oven. Heat your oven to 350°F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.
- Cream the base. In a large bowl, beat the softened cream cheese and butter together with a hand mixer until smooth and fluffy, about 2 minutes.
- Add wet ingredients. Mix in the egg and vanilla extract until fully combined.
- Add cake mix. Add the dry cake mix and stir (or mix on low) until a soft dough forms. The dough will be sticky — that’s exactly right.
- Chill briefly. Cover the bowl and refrigerate the dough for 30 minutes to make rolling easier.
- Roll in powdered sugar. Scoop tablespoon-sized portions of dough, roll each into a ball, then roll generously in powdered sugar to coat all sides.
- Bake. Place balls about 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheets. Bake for 11—13 minutes, until the edges are just set and the tops remain soft and slightly puffed. Do not overbake — they firm as they cool.
- Cool. Let cookies cool on the pan for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack. Dust with additional powdered sugar if desired before serving.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 105 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 5g | Carbs: 14g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 130mg