Golden Butternut Squash Lasagna

Joseph called from Kodiak. King crab season is starting and he's been preparing — fixing gear, checking traps, doing the maintenance work that keeps men alive on boats in the Bering Sea. Joseph is twenty-two now, a captain with his own small operation, and every time he calls I hear two things in his voice: the confidence of a man who has found his work, and the exhaustion of a man whose work can kill him. Lourdes doesn't sleep during crab season. She prays. The rosary gets extra use from October through January, the beads clicking in Lourdes's hands like a metronome counting down the days until Joseph is back on land.

I worry about Joseph the way big sisters worry — the worry that lives in the background, humming, never fully off. He's my baby brother. I changed his diapers. I helped him with fractions. He's now a man who commands a fishing vessel in one of the most dangerous waters on earth, and I still see the boy who cried when his goldfish died and needed me to hold him while we flushed it. The goldfish funeral. One of my earliest memories of being needed. The need hasn't changed; the scale has.

I made ginataang kalabasa — squash cooked in coconut milk, a sweet and savory dish that Lourdes makes in early fall when the squash comes in from the Mat-Su Valley gardens. The squash cubes softened in the coconut milk, turning golden and creamy, the shrimp adding their briny sweetness. It's a gentle dish — no vinegar, no sharpness, just the round, soft flavors of coconut and squash and the quiet satisfaction of a meal that doesn't demand anything of you except a spoon and an appetite.

Angela came over for dinner. She and James are still trying to get pregnant — three months now, no luck, the particular disappointment of wanting something your body hasn't decided to give you yet. She didn't talk about it directly. She talked about the ginataang kalabasa, about the sweetness of the coconut milk, about the way the squash falls apart when it's ready. I heard what she was saying underneath the food talk: I'm waiting. I'm patient. I'm scared it won't happen. I heard it because I'm her ate, because I know her underneath, because the Santos women speak in recipes when the real words are too heavy.

We ate. We talked. The apartment felt less empty with people in it. The ginataang kalabasa was warm. October is coming. The darkness is coming. But tonight, the kitchen was full.

I don’t always have squash and coconut milk on hand, and that night I made do with what the pantry offered — butternut squash, ricotta, noodles, the slow alchemy of an oven doing its work. The Golden Butternut Squash Lasagna became what the ginataang kalabasa always is for me: a dish built from something sweet and orange and yielding, something that softens with heat and fills a room with a smell that says someone here is taking care of you. Angela needed that. I needed that. October was at the door, and we met it with this.

Prep Time: 25 minutes | Cook Time: 55 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour 20 minutes | Servings: 8

Ingredients

1 medium butternut squash (about 4 cups cubed), peeled and cut into 3/4-inch cubes
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
12 lasagna noodles, cooked al dente and drained
2 cups whole-milk ricotta cheese
1 large egg
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon dried rubbed sage
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided
2 cups Alfredo or bechamel sauce (store-bought or homemade)
Fresh sage leaves, for garnish (optional)

Instructions

Preheat and prep. Preheat your oven to 375°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Roast the squash. Toss the butternut squash cubes with olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread in a single layer on the prepared baking sheet and roast for 22–25 minutes, until golden at the edges and fork-tender. Remove and let cool slightly, then mash roughly with a fork — leave some texture.
Make the ricotta filling. In a medium bowl, combine ricotta, egg, garlic, nutmeg, sage, 1/2 cup of the mozzarella, and 1/4 cup of the Parmesan. Stir until smooth. Season with salt and pepper.
Build the layers. Spread 1/2 cup of the Alfredo sauce in the bottom of a 9x13-inch baking dish. Lay 3 lasagna noodles over the sauce. Spread one-third of the ricotta mixture over the noodles, then scatter one-third of the roasted squash on top, then drizzle with 1/3 cup sauce. Repeat layers two more times, finishing with a final layer of noodles.
Top and cover. Spread the remaining sauce over the top layer of noodles. Sprinkle evenly with the remaining 1 1/2 cups mozzarella and remaining 1/4 cup Parmesan. Cover tightly with aluminum foil.
Bake covered. Bake at 375°F for 30 minutes, until heated through and the edges are bubbling.
Bake uncovered. Remove foil and bake an additional 15–20 minutes, until the top is golden and lightly browned in spots.
Rest before cutting. Let the lasagna rest for 10 minutes before slicing. This helps the layers hold together. Garnish with fresh sage leaves if desired.

Nutrition (per serving)

Golden Butternut Squash Lasagna — What I Made When the Worry Got Loud