By Chloe turns fifteen — wait, she already turned fifteen. She's fifteen. It's February. Valentine's Day approaches. The second Valentine's Day at the restaurant. The day that last year made me watch couples and think about being alone and think about cornbread and think about Chloe saying "someday is allowed." Someday. The word that has been living in the back of my mind for a year, quiet, patient, the word that says: the table has a chair for you too, Sarah. The chair is: empty. The chair is: waiting. The chair will be occupied when the time is right and the time is: not now. But the chair is: there.
Valentine's dinner service: sold out. Again. Forty seats. Chloe's new camera photographed everything — the red velvet cornbread returned (Year 2 of the Valentine heresy), the heart-shaped cream swirls on the soup, the candles, the couples. The photos from the new camera are: different. Sharper. Deeper. The kind of photos that make you feel like you're sitting at the counter, smelling the food, hearing the conversations. The upgrade is: visible. The investment is: paying for itself one Instagram post at a time. The account is at 7,400 followers now. Seventy-four hundred people watching Sarah's Table. Watching Chloe's vision of Sarah's Table. The vision and the table are: becoming the same thing.
Revenue from Valentine's dinner: $4,200 (up from $3,800 last year — Rita's pricing confidence, now internalized, the prices that don't apologize). The pricing is: correct. The pricing says: this food is worth this money. And the money says: yes. The money agrees. The agreement is: the healing. The healing from a lifetime of "I can't charge that" to "this is what it costs." The healing is: Rita and Amber and the accountant and the sister who said "stop apologizing" and the apologizing is: stopping. Slowly. But stopping.
This year, I didn't watch the couples with longing. I watched them with: interest. Professional interest. The interest of a woman who runs a restaurant and wants her customers to be happy and the happiness is: the business and the business is: the happiness. But also: personal interest. The interest of a woman who is thirty-five and owns a restaurant and has three kids and is ready — maybe — to think about: the chair. The empty chair at the table. The chair that Chloe said I deserve. The chair that someday will be occupied by someone who holds my hand over cornbread. Someday. The word is: closer this year. Not arrived. Closer.
Dinner: grilled cheese and tomato soup. The Valentine's dinner of a woman who doesn't have a Valentine and is: fine with it. Not resigned. Fine. There's a difference. Resigned is: giving up. Fine is: choosing this. Choosing the quiet. Choosing the grilled cheese. Choosing to wait for the right person instead of the available person. The choosing is: the self-respect that took thirty-five years to build. The grilled cheese is: the choice made edible. And the choice tastes: good.
The grilled cheese that night was exactly right — warm, unhurried, made with care for an audience of one — and it reminded me that the food we make for ourselves deserves just as much intention as the food we put in front of forty Valentine’s Day guests. So I’ve been leaning into that idea lately: small plates, real ingredients, nothing that apologizes for itself. These gluten free appetizers are what that philosophy looks like on a Tuesday. They’re the kind of thing you pull together when you want to feel like you made something — because you did, and you were worth making it for.
Gluten Free Appetizers
Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 10 min | Total Time: 25 min | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 8 slices gluten free bread or 16 gluten free crackers
- 4 oz cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
- 1/4 cup cucumber, thinly sliced
- 1/4 cup roasted red peppers, sliced
- 2 tbsp fresh basil or chives, chopped
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- 1/2 tsp garlic powder
- Salt and black pepper to taste
- Optional: 2 oz smoked salmon or sliced turkey for topping
Instructions
- Prep the base. If using gluten free bread, lightly toast slices until golden and firm. If using crackers, arrange on a serving plate or baking sheet.
- Make the spread. In a small bowl, mix the softened cream cheese with garlic powder, a pinch of salt, and half the fresh herbs until smooth and well combined.
- Assemble the bites. Spread a generous layer of the cream cheese mixture onto each toast or cracker.
- Add toppings. Arrange cherry tomato halves, cucumber slices, and roasted red pepper strips over the cream cheese. Add smoked salmon or turkey if using.
- Finish and serve. Drizzle lightly with olive oil, scatter the remaining fresh herbs over the top, and season with black pepper. Serve immediately.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 210 | Protein: 6g | Fat: 12g | Carbs: 22g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 320mg