Fudge — Something Sweet to Leave on the Table When Words Are Too Much

Mother's Day. Year three of the blog's Mother's Days. I am now the mother of four adults, the grandmother of seven children, and the daughter of a mother who is having more bad days than good. My Mother's Day is layered.

Sunday morning Miguel Jr. picked me up at 10. Brunch at their house. Jenny had arranged the whole thing. Lucas, almost six, made me a card with glitter that he had written "I love you abuela" on by himself. Isabella, nearly four, sang me a song she had made up that morning about how "Abuela makes the best rice." Mateo, sixteen months, ran across the room and hugged my knees. I cried.

At 2 PM I went to my house where the rest of the family had assembled. Rosa, Carlos, Camila, Andrés. Sofía. Mami. Eduardo. David on video call from Brooklyn — he had a brunch shift at Fort Greene, but he called during a fifteen-minute break and said, "Ma, I love you, I will see you in June." I said, "Mijo, I love you too. Your mojo is in Brooklyn. Mother's Day every day." He laughed. He hung up.

I made arroz con leche for Mother's Day as I always do. The Puerto Rican rice pudding. Cinnamon-dusted. Cold. With raisins (for Mami) and without (for me). I took a small bowl to Mami's apartment in the afternoon. She was in her chair. She ate slowly. She said, "Carmen, happy Mother's Day." I said, "You too, Mami." She said, "Your children love you." I said, "I know, Mami." She said, "You did it right." I said, "Did what right?" She said, "You raised them to love each other. That is the whole thing. That is the only thing that matters at the end." She said it calmly, like she was reading from a list. She said, "Do not worry about me. You did it right. Your mother is telling you."

I drove home in a daze. I cried in the car. I did not tell Eduardo what she had said. It was too much. I will tell him later. Maybe I will tell you later, mi amor, but I am telling you now because I have to tell somebody, and the blog is where I put the things too big to say at the dinner table.

Later: Sofía spent the night on my couch because she had a 5 AM shift at the hospital Monday and her apartment was farther. I set her up with a blanket. She hugged me for a long time at 10 PM. She said, "Ma, I love you." I said, "Mija, I love you." I closed my bedroom door. Eduardo was asleep. I sat on the edge of the bed. I did not cry. Wepa.

I had already made the arroz con leche that morning, and Mami’s words were still sitting somewhere between my chest and my throat on the drive home — so I did the only thing I know how to do when a moment is too large to hold: I went back into the kitchen. This fudge is what I make when I need my hands to be busy and I want something to leave out for whoever wanders through — Sofía on her way to the couch, Eduardo if he woke up, anyone who needed something sweet without needing to ask for it. It is not arroz con leche. It is not Mami’s recipe. But it is mine to give, and that night, giving felt like the only thing I had left in me.

Fudge

Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 15 min | Total Time: 2 hrs 25 min (includes chilling) | Servings: 36 pieces

Ingredients

• 3 cups granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup unsalted butter, cut into pieces
• 2/3 cup evaporated milk
• 12 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 7 oz marshmallow creme
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon fine salt

Instructions

1. Prepare the pan. Line a 9x13-inch baking pan with parchment paper, leaving an overhang on the sides, and lightly butter the paper.
2. Combine and heat. In a heavy-bottomed medium saucepan, combine the sugar, butter, and evaporated milk over medium heat. Stir constantly until the butter is fully melted and the mixture is smooth.
3. Bring to a boil. Increase heat slightly and bring the mixture to a full rolling boil, stirring the entire time. Once boiling, continue to stir and boil for exactly 5 minutes — do not stop stirring or the bottom will scorch.
4. Remove and add chocolate. Take the saucepan off the heat immediately. Add the chocolate chips all at once and stir vigorously until completely melted and glossy.
5. Fold in marshmallow and vanilla. Add the marshmallow creme, vanilla extract, and salt. Stir until the mixture is fully combined, smooth, and uniform in color.
6. Pour and smooth. Pour the fudge into the prepared pan. Use a spatula to spread it evenly to the edges. Give the pan a gentle tap on the counter to settle any air bubbles.
7. Chill until firm. Let the fudge cool at room temperature for 30 minutes, then transfer to the refrigerator for at least 2 hours, until completely set and firm to the touch.
8. Cut and serve. Lift the fudge out of the pan using the parchment overhang. Place on a cutting board and cut into small squares. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 weeks, or refrigerate for longer storage.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 148 | Protein: 1g | Fat: 6g | Carbs: 24g | Fiber: 0g | Sodium: 38mg