French Market Soup

Marcus called with an update on Tasha. Twenty-eight weeks now. The baby — they still don't know if it's a boy or a girl, and they want to be surprised, which I respect even though it's driving me crazy because I need to know whether to knit blue or pink. I'm knitting yellow. Yellow is safe. Yellow is the color of chicken broth and sunlight and caution, and I am all three.

Tasha has been having morning sickness that isn't limited to mornings, which I remember with a clarity that surprises me. With Earl Jr., I threw up for five months straight. With Patricia, barely any sickness at all. With Michael — and here I pause, because I always pause when I get to Michael — with Michael, I was sick the whole nine months, and Mama said, "The hard pregnancies make the strong children." Michael was the strongest person I ever knew until the highway took him, and I don't know what lesson to draw from that except that nothing in this life comes with a guarantee.

I shipped the first batch of freezer meals to Atlanta. Packed a cooler with dry ice, loaded it into Earl Jr.'s car when he came to visit this weekend, and told him to deliver it directly to Tasha's freezer. He said, "Mama, this cooler weighs forty pounds." I said, "Good. That means there's enough food in it." He shook his head and loaded it into the trunk and drove away, and I stood in the driveway and watched him go and thought about how strange it is to send food into the world and hope it arrives warm.

Kayla had a hard week at Memorial. She lost a patient — a woman, sixty-one, cardiac arrest. Kayla was on the team that tried to save her. They couldn't. She came to my house Tuesday and she sat at the kitchen table and she didn't cry but her eyes were red and her hands were still. I didn't ask what happened. I just made her a bowl of soup and sat across from her and waited. Eventually she said, "Her family was in the waiting room." That's all she said. But I heard everything underneath it: the family, the hope, the moment the doctor walks in with that face. I know that face. I received that face in 1998 when they told me about Michael.

I held Kayla's hand and I said, "You did everything you could." She said, "I know." But knowing and believing are different things, baby. Different things entirely.

Made split pea soup. The kind that's thick enough to hold a spoon upright. The kind that says: sit down, eat, be held. That's all soup is, baby. It's being held in a bowl.

Now go on and feed somebody.

When Kayla sat at my table Tuesday with her red eyes and her still hands, and when I thought about that cooler of food riding south to Tasha in Atlanta, I knew what I needed to make next — something thick, something that takes time and attention, something that means it. French Market Soup is that kind of recipe: you start it the night before by soaking the beans, and that overnight wait is part of the love. It’s the soup I reach for when I need to remind myself and everyone else that we are still here, still feeding each other, still showing up — and that is enough.

Prep Time: 20 min (plus overnight soak) | Cook Time: 2 hr 30 min | Total Time: 2 hr 50 min | Servings: 10

Ingredients

1 package (20 oz) 15-bean or French Market soup mix, seasoning packet discarded
1 lb smoked ham hocks (or 1 meaty ham bone)
8 cups low-sodium chicken broth
2 cups water
1 large yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
3 stalks celery, sliced
1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes, undrained
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste
1 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
Fresh parsley, chopped, for serving

Instructions

Soak the beans. Rinse beans under cold water and pick out any debris. Place in a large bowl, cover with 3 inches of cold water, and soak overnight (at least 8 hours). Drain and rinse well before using.
Build the base. In a large Dutch oven or heavy-bottomed pot, combine the soaked beans, ham hocks, chicken broth, and water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, skimming any foam that rises to the surface.
Add the aromatics. Stir in onion, garlic, celery, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, smoked paprika, thyme, black pepper, and cayenne. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 1 hour 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Pull the pork. Remove ham hocks with tongs. When cool enough to handle, pull the meat from the bones, shred it into bite-sized pieces, and return the meat to the pot. Discard the bones and skin.
Finish and thicken. Continue simmering uncovered for 30 to 40 minutes, until beans are completely tender and the soup has thickened to your liking. Use the back of a spoon to mash a few beans against the side of the pot if you want it even thicker.
Season and serve. Stir in lemon juice and adjust salt and pepper to taste. Ladle into bowls and top with fresh parsley. Serve with crusty bread or cornbread on the side.

Nutrition (per serving)

French Market Soup — The Kind That Holds You Back