Five Spice Tofu with Sesame Noodles

June. The Korean women's dinner group met at a new restaurant. Over grilled meat and soju the conversation turned to relationships, as it always eventually does. Jihye, married to a Korean man, offered opinions on Korean masculinity. Sujin, whose partner Tom is white, defended cross-cultural partnerships. I said, "I just want someone who eats kimchi without flinching." Everyone laughed.

James does not flinch. James eats everything I make with the honest appetite of a man who was raised to appreciate food — any food, all food, the Taiwanese mother's training showing in his willingness to try and his ability to evaluate and his instinct to compliment genuinely rather than politely. The not-flinching is the foundation. Everything else is built on the not-flinching.

This week we cooked a fusion dinner for Sujin and Daniel: James's beef noodle soup, my kimchi jjigae, shared bibimbap, his scallion pancakes with my kimchi. Sujin said afterward, "You two are going to be one of those cooking couples." We already are. The cooking is the couple. The couple is the cooking.

Work continues — the platform is stable, the team is performing, my days are a mix of coding and managing and the professional rhythm that funds the personal life. The balance is good. The Tuesday jjigae and Thursday doenjang jjigae and the James-in-the-kitchen are all good. June is good. Everything is good.

The night we cooked for Sujin and Daniel, James made his beef noodle soup and I made jjigae, and at some point in the middle of it all I realized we had stopped narrating what we were doing and had simply started moving around each other in the kitchen like we’d always done it that way. This five spice tofu with sesame noodles is the dish that lives in that same in-between space — five spice is his world, sesame is mine, and together they taste like something neither of us would have made alone. It’s the not-flinching, in noodle form.

Prep Time: 15 min | Cook Time: 20 min | Total Time: 35 min | Servings: 4

Ingredients

1 block (14 oz) extra-firm tofu, pressed and cut into 3/4-inch cubes
2 tablespoons soy sauce, divided
1 teaspoon five spice powder
1 tablespoon neutral oil (such as avocado or vegetable)
8 oz lo mein noodles or spaghetti
3 tablespoons sesame oil
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 tablespoon hoisin sauce
1 tablespoon chili garlic sauce (or to taste)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
2 scallions, thinly sliced
1/4 cup shredded carrots
1/4 cup thinly sliced cucumber
2 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds
Fresh cilantro or sliced scallions, for garnish

Instructions

Press and season the tofu. Wrap tofu in a clean towel and press for at least 10 minutes to remove excess moisture. Cut into 3/4-inch cubes, then toss with 1 tablespoon soy sauce and the five spice powder until evenly coated.
Cook the tofu. Heat neutral oil in a large non-stick skillet or cast iron pan over medium-high heat. Add the seasoned tofu in a single layer and cook undisturbed for 3–4 minutes per side until golden and slightly crisp. Remove from pan and set aside.
Boil the noodles. Cook noodles according to package directions until al dente. Drain and rinse under cold water to stop cooking. Set aside.
Make the sesame sauce. In a small bowl, whisk together sesame oil, remaining 1 tablespoon soy sauce, rice vinegar, hoisin sauce, chili garlic sauce, minced garlic, and grated ginger until smooth.
Toss everything together. In a large bowl, combine the cooked noodles, shredded carrots, and cucumber. Pour the sesame sauce over the top and toss well to coat every noodle.
Assemble and serve. Divide noodles among bowls, top with the five spice tofu, and finish with sliced scallions, toasted sesame seeds, and fresh cilantro. Serve at room temperature or slightly warm.

Nutrition (per serving)

Five Spice Tofu with Sesame Noodles — The Dinner That Proves We Already Are a Cooking Couple