My father, sixty-seven, has hired a contractor to add a master suite onto the main floor of the Orem house — knee surgery, hip surgery, the architecture of aging. Mason, seventeen, has been over there every weekend helping the framers, and last Saturday he came home with sawdust on his sweatshirt and the look of someone who has just figured something out. My father pulled me aside in the kitchen on Sunday and said, in the voice he used to use at Church welfare meetings, 'That boy doesn't need college, Michelle. He needs a tape measure and a crew.' I have been thinking about that sentence ever since.
I keep a spreadsheet of every grocery receipt. I have done this since 2003. I will not stop. The week was a spring week, the kind where the light through the kitchen window arrives at a particular angle and the freezer hums in a different register depending on the temperature in the garage. I made notes in my prep notebook on Sunday afternoon, the way I always do: meal name, ingredient list, cost per serving, prep time, freezer instructions. Twenty-eight bags. Two hours and eleven minutes. A little slow this week, by my standards, but Brandon was helping and the conversation was good, and I have learned, slowly and against my own grain, that the conversation is sometimes the point and the time is sometimes a courtesy I extend to my husband for being willing to chop onions on a Sunday afternoon.
The children are doing what they do, which is the central report of every week of my adult life. Ethan is 20, in Manila on his mission, and his last email mentioned a chicken adobo so good he is going to make me make it when he comes home. Olivia is 19, at BYU studying elementary education — the path she chose at age seven and has not deviated from once. Mason is 16, finishing high school, with calluses on his hands and a plan that does not yet have words. Lily is 14, in high school, asking the kind of questions in Sunday School that make the teachers uncomfortable, which I find difficult and also, secretly, admirable. Noah is 11, the comedian, the performer — the kid who does an impression of my disappointed face in front of company, and gets away with it. That is the family report. I do not have a system for these reports. I just listen and remember and call back when I said I would call back, which is most of the time and not all of the time, and the difference between most and all is the territory of motherhood.
The recipe of the week was baked ziti, which I have made some specific number of times in my life and have refined to a system that I now hand to other people in printed form. The version I made this week fed eight, cost under fifteen dollars, and required twenty-six minutes of active prep, which is within my requirements and not a coincidence. I labeled every bag — meal, date, reheating instructions, servings — because future-me is the woman I am writing for, and future-me is tired. I have stopped explaining the freezer-meal philosophy to people who already follow my work, and I have stopped apologizing for it to people who do not. The philosophy is simple: tomorrow is coming whether you are ready or not. You can either be ready or not. I pick ready.
Brandon and I sat at the kitchen island on Thursday night and did not talk much, and the not-talking was a language we built in therapy and have refused to unlearn. We have been married a long time. The arithmetic of it is the arithmetic of my whole life. There were years we missed each other in the same room, and there are years we find each other in the silences, and this is one of the latter, and I am old enough now to know that the latter is the achievement and the former was the cost.
Twenty-eight bags. Labeled. Dated. Stacked. The week, in the only currency that matters in this house.
I do not make this flatbread on ordinary Thursdays, and this was not an ordinary Thursday — not after a week where my father said something about my son that I will be turning over for years, not after twenty-eight bags labeled and stacked and the silence with Brandon that meant something good. The fig balsamic walnut flatbread is the recipe I make when the week has been more than the week, when I want something on the counter that looks like I meant it, because I did. It is fast enough to fit my system and deliberate enough to feel like a choice, which is the only kind of cooking I trust myself to do anymore.
Fig Balsamic Walnut Flatbread
Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 18 min | Total Time: 28 min | Servings: 4
Ingredients
- 1 store-bought or homemade flatbread (about 12 inches), naan, or thin pizza crust
- 1/3 cup fig jam or whole dried figs, thinly sliced
- 2 tablespoons balsamic glaze, plus more for drizzling
- 1/2 cup crumbled gorgonzola or goat cheese
- 1/3 cup walnut halves, roughly chopped and lightly toasted
- 1/4 red onion, very thinly sliced
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves (or 1/4 teaspoon dried)
- Flaky sea salt and cracked black pepper to taste
- Small handful of arugula or baby spinach for finishing (optional)
Instructions
- Preheat. Heat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.
- Prepare the base. Place the flatbread on the prepared baking sheet. Brush the entire surface evenly with olive oil, working to the edges.
- Layer the toppings. Spread fig jam in a thin, even layer across the flatbread, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Scatter the sliced red onion over the jam, then distribute the crumbled cheese and chopped walnuts evenly across the surface.
- Drizzle and season. Drizzle 2 tablespoons of balsamic glaze over the assembled flatbread. Scatter thyme leaves on top, then finish with a pinch of flaky salt and several grinds of black pepper.
- Bake. Transfer to the oven and bake for 15–18 minutes, until the edges of the flatbread are golden and crisp and the cheese has softened and begun to color slightly at the edges.
- Finish and slice. Remove from oven. If using, scatter a small handful of arugula over the top immediately — the residual heat will just wilt it. Add a final drizzle of balsamic glaze. Slice into strips or squares and serve warm.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 310 | Protein: 9g | Fat: 16g | Carbs: 34g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 390mg