By October. The second deer of the season is in the freezer. Caleb is at one week out of residential, which means the count restarts — I am counting again, differently now, not with the anxiety of the first period but with a different quality of attention, the attention of a person who knows what sixty days of real work looks like and believes it can hold.
Danny had a bad week. Not a hospital visit — not yet — but two days where Terry called both evenings and her voice had that holding quality it has when things are worse than she will say directly. I drove out Thursday after work and sat with him for an hour. He was alert but tired, a deep tired that was not the same as being sleepy but was the tired of a body working too hard. He did not want to talk much. I made tea — the sumac berry tea, which I have started making routinely now — and we sat together in the kitchen while it steeped and he held the mug with both hands and the warmth seemed to help.
He said, with his eyes on the tea: "You are going to be okay when I am gone." Not dramatically. Not like a man preparing a speech. Like a man stating a fact he has arrived at and wanted to say out loud. I said I did not want to talk about that. He said: "I know you don't. I am saying it anyway." He looked at me. He said: "You know what to do and you know who you are. That is enough." Then he drank his tea.
I drove home and I sat in the kitchen for a while and I thought about what he said. Not the part about him being gone — I know that is coming, I have known it was coming for years, it does not make it smaller. I thought about the other part: you know what to do and you know who you are. Danny saying that is the highest evaluation of a man's life that I know how to receive. I am going to try to deserve it for however long I have left to try.
The sumac tea has become my routine for Danny’s kitchen, but on the drive home that night I wanted something that would take longer to make. Something that would keep my hands busy while I sat with what he said. Creamy leek soup is that kind of recipe—quiet, unhurried, the sort of thing you can stir slowly while you think. It is warm enough to hold in both hands, simple enough to bring to someone who is tired, and good enough to deserve the attention of making it right.
Creamy Leek Soup
Prep Time: 15 minutes | Cook Time: 30 minutes | Total Time: 45 minutes | Servings: 6
Ingredients
- 4 large leeks, white and light green parts only, halved and sliced
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 medium Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and diced
- 4 cups chicken or vegetable broth
- 1/2 cup heavy cream
- 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves (or 1/2 teaspoon dried)
- 1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
- Chives for garnish (optional)
Instructions
- Clean the leeks. Slice the leeks into half-moons and submerge them in a large bowl of cold water. Swish to release any grit, then lift out and drain well. Repeat if needed.
- Sauté the base. In a large pot or Dutch oven, melt the butter with the olive oil over medium heat. Add the leeks and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and beginning to turn golden, about 8–10 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute more.
- Add potatoes and broth. Stir in the diced potatoes, thyme, salt, and pepper. Pour in the broth and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the potatoes are completely tender, about 15–18 minutes.
- Blend until smooth. Remove from heat and use an immersion blender to puree the soup until smooth and creamy. Alternatively, carefully transfer in batches to a standard blender, venting the lid slightly.
- Finish with cream. Stir in the heavy cream and return the pot to low heat. Warm gently for 2–3 minutes. Taste and adjust salt and pepper as needed.
- Serve. Ladle into mugs or bowls and garnish with chopped chives if desired. Best served warm, held with both hands.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 195 | Protein: 4g | Fat: 12g | Carbs: 19g | Fiber: 2g | Sodium: 480mg