Coffee 'n' Cream Brownies -- The Morning We Said Yes

I told Tyler I wanted to have a child. I said it on a Sunday morning over the biscuits I had made, both of us at the kitchen table with coffee, and I said I have been thinking about children. He looked at me for a moment and said tell me what you are thinking. I said I am thinking I want one. I said I am also afraid. He said both of those can be true. I said I know. He said let me ask you what you are afraid of. I said I am afraid of being Crystal. He did not say I would not be Crystal. He said: what do you know that Crystal did not know. I said how to stay. He said yes. He said what else. I said how to cook something good and put it in front of a small person and mean it. He said yes. He said that is enough to start. We sat there for a while and then he said: so we are doing this. I said yes. He said okay. He ate his biscuit and I ate mine and that was how we decided to try to become parents.

Gloria said it was about time when I told her on Sunday. I said I know. She said she had been waiting for me to figure out I was ready. I said I was still not sure I was ready. She said baby, you have been a mother to every toddler at that daycare for ten years. You already know how. The fear did not leave but it got quieter.

Those biscuits were the right thing for that morning — simple, warm, made by hand — and I have thought a lot since then about food that carries weight without announcing it. When I wanted to bake something that held the same feeling, that same quiet seriousness wrapped in something sweet, I kept coming back to these Coffee ’n’ Cream Brownies. Coffee is what we were drinking when we decided to become parents. Cream is what softens the bitter edge. That felt right to me.

Coffee ’n’ Cream Brownies

Prep Time: 20 min | Cook Time: 30 min | Total Time: 50 min | Servings: 16

Ingredients

• 1 box (18.3 oz) fudge brownie mix
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tablespoon instant espresso powder
• 8 oz cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup granulated sugar
• 1 egg yolk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 teaspoons milk
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Instructions

1. Preheat and prepare. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a 9x13-inch baking pan or line with parchment paper.
2. Make the brownie batter. In a large bowl, combine brownie mix, water, vegetable oil, eggs, and espresso powder. Stir until just combined. Spread evenly into the prepared pan.
3. Make the cream cheese layer. In a separate bowl, beat softened cream cheese and sugar together until smooth. Add egg yolk, vanilla extract, and milk; mix until creamy and well blended.
4. Layer and swirl. Drop spoonfuls of the cream cheese mixture over the brownie batter. Use a knife or skewer to gently swirl the two batters together, creating a marbled effect. Scatter chocolate chips over the top.
5. Bake. Bake for 28–32 minutes, until the center is just set and a toothpick inserted near the middle comes out with only a few moist crumbs. Do not overbake.
6. Cool and cut. Allow brownies to cool completely in the pan before slicing into 16 squares. For cleanest cuts, refrigerate for 30 minutes before slicing.

Nutrition (per serving)

Calories: 280 | Protein: 4g | Fat: 15g | Carbs: 34g | Fiber: 1g | Sodium: 160mg