By March, and Mama's eightieth birthday approaches — March 28th, the birthday that I do not know if she will reach. The not-knowing is the particular cruelty of the late stage: the calendar continues but the person it marks may not, and the not-may-not is the space between hope and grief where I live now, the space that is neither one nor the other but both, and both is the human condition, and the condition is mine.
Mama has accepted broth — small sips, offered by Ruth in the morning and Gloria in the evening and me in the between-times. The acceptance of broth is the acceptance of life — not enthusiastic but present, not eager but willing, the willingness of a body that is not yet done even though the mind has been done for months. The body persists. The body is Mama's last rebellion: against the disease, against the silence, against the leaving. The body says: not yet.
I have finished the cookbook revisions. The manuscript — one hundred and eighty pages, revised, polished, complete — is on the desk Robert built, in the room he furnished, next to the filing cabinet he made. The manuscript is done. The book is not yet printed, not yet published, not yet on a shelf. But the writing is done. The writing is complete. And the completing was the thing I promised Mama I would do, and the promise is kept.
I told Mama the manuscript is finished. I sat beside her chair and held her hand and said, "Mama, the cookbook is done. Your recipes are in a book." She did not respond. The silence was the response. But the silence held something — a stillness that was different from the usual stillness, a stillness that was, I choose to believe, the peace of a woman who has been told that her life's work will survive, and the surviving is the peace, and the peace is the silence, and the silence is enough.
I made coconut cake for the birthday that is three weeks away — three weeks of not-knowing, three weeks of sips and squeezes and the particular faith that a woman will reach eighty because the coconut cake demands it, and the cake is the faith, and the faith is the baking, and the baking is the love.
The coconut cake I baked for Mama’s birthday — the one I made three weeks early because the making itself was an act of faith — put coconut on my mind and kept it there. When the manuscript was filed and the sips of broth had been offered and the house was quiet, I found myself at the counter again, not because anyone needed feeding but because my hands needed purpose, and this Coconut-Almond Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream was what came next: cold where the cake was warm, but built from the same deep love of coconut that runs through Mama’s recipes and, now, through the finished pages on Robert’s desk.
Coconut-Almond Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream
Prep Time: 20 minutes | Cook Time: 10 minutes | Total Time: 30 minutes + 4–6 hours freezing | Servings: 8
Ingredients
- 2 cans (13.5 oz each) full-fat coconut milk
- 3/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon pure almond extract
- 1 cup sweetened shredded coconut, toasted
- 3/4 cup sliced almonds, toasted
- 6 oz dark chocolate (70% cacao), roughly chopped into chunks
- 2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted (for ganache swirl, optional)
Instructions
- Toast the coconut and almonds. Spread the shredded coconut and sliced almonds on separate areas of a dry baking sheet. Toast in a 325°F oven for 6–8 minutes, stirring once, until golden and fragrant. Let cool completely.
- Make the base. Combine the coconut milk, sugar, and salt in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Whisk until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is just steaming, about 5 minutes — do not boil. Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla and almond extracts.
- Chill the base. Pour the mixture into a bowl, cover, and refrigerate until completely cold, at least 2 hours or overnight. This step ensures a creamier final texture.
- Churn. Pour the chilled base into your ice cream maker and churn according to the manufacturer’s instructions, usually 20–25 minutes, until the consistency of soft-serve.
- Fold in the mix-ins. During the last 2 minutes of churning, add the toasted coconut, toasted almonds, and chocolate chunks. Let the machine distribute them evenly.
- Freeze until firm. Transfer to a freezer-safe container, smoothing the top. Press a piece of parchment directly against the surface to prevent ice crystals. Freeze for at least 4 hours, or until scoopable.
- Serve. Let the container sit at room temperature for 5 minutes before scooping. Garnish with extra toasted coconut and a few chocolate chunks if desired.
Nutrition (per serving)
Calories: 410 | Protein: 5g | Fat: 30g | Carbs: 34g | Fiber: 3g | Sodium: 95mg