Chocolate-Glazed Coconut Almond Cheesecake

The grief is a different shape than Paul's grief was. This grief is older — older in me, older in the bone, older in the sense that I have been preparing for it since I was a small girl and noticed that Mamma was not always going to be here. Paul's grief was unjust and brutal. Mamma's grief is just and brutal. Both kinds hurt. The hurting is different. I am learning the new hurt. The kitchen is patient with me while I learn. Astrid drove up from the Twin Cities for a long weekend. We sat in Mamma's kitchen at Fifth Street (Erik has not sold the house yet; we are not ready). We made meatballs together, in Mamma's kitchen, in Mamma's bowl, on Mamma's stove. We did not say much. We worked side by side the way we worked side by side as girls — at thirteen and ten, at nineteen and sixteen, now at sixty-something and sixty-something. The hands knew. The kitchen knew. The kitchen carried us through. Elsa called from Voyageurs. She said the loons came back this week. She said Mamma always loved the loons. She said it had not been the same year without her. I said no. It had not been. We talked for ten minutes. Elsa does not call often. The calls she does make are small and dense, like a hard candy. I save them. I roll them around in my mind for days afterward. Anna brought me a puppy. A golden retriever from the same Two Harbors breeder where Paul and I got the first Sven. I told her I did not want another dog. I held the puppy within thirty seconds. His name is Sven. Sven the Second. The puppy is enormous in his enthusiasm and tiny in his actual size. He is exactly what the kitchen needs right now. I cooked Almond cake this week. A simple almond cake — almond paste, butter, sugar, egg, a little flour, baked in a buttered pan, dusted with powdered sugar. Served with whipped cream and berries from the freezer. The taste is Sweden in late winter, when the body wants almond and butter and sugar. The Damiano Center on Thursday. I have served soup at this center for twenty-some years. I know the regulars by name. I know the seasons of the crowd. I know that the first cold snap brings new faces. I know that the days after holidays bring the lonely ones. I know that the worst weeks of the year are not the ones that feel the worst — they are the ones in February when the cold has worn everyone down and the city has run out of tenderness. Paul would have liked this dinner. Paul would have liked this week. Paul would have liked this life. I tell him about it anyway. The telling is the keeping. I have been told, by a grief counselor, by friends, by my own children at certain anxious moments, that perhaps the constant tell-Paul thing is not healthy. I do not agree. I think it is exactly healthy. I think it is, in fact, the structural beam of my emotional architecture. The beam is solid. The house stands. It is enough. Paul is not here. Mamma is not here. Pappa is not here. Erik is not here. They are all here in the kitchen, in the smell, in the taste, in the wooden spoon and the bread pans and the marble slab. The dead are not where the body went. The dead are in the kitchen. It is enough.

The almond cake I made this week was simple — paste and butter and sugar and a dusting of powdered sugar — and it was enough for a Tuesday. But the version I keep coming back to, the one I make when I need something that takes longer and asks more of the hands, is this one: a Chocolate-Glazed Coconut Almond Cheesecake that layers almond and coconut beneath a dark chocolate glaze, rich enough to feel like occasion, patient enough to make on a slow afternoon. Mamma would have called it too much. She would have had two slices. I made it this week because the kitchen asked for something that mattered, and almond has always been the taste of Sweden in winter, of every kitchen I have ever loved.

Prep Time: 30 minutes | Cook Time: 55 minutes | Total Time: 1 hour 25 minutes (plus chilling) | Servings: 12

Ingredients

Crust:
1 1/2 cups sweetened shredded coconut, toasted
3/4 cup slivered almonds, toasted and finely chopped
3 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
Filling:
3 packages (8 oz each) cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup (4 oz) almond paste, crumbled
3 large eggs, room temperature
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup sour cream
Chocolate Glaze:
4 oz bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon light corn syrup
1/4 cup toasted slivered almonds, for garnish
2 tablespoons toasted coconut, for garnish

Instructions

Preheat and prepare pan. Heat oven to 325°F. Wrap the outside of a 9-inch springform pan tightly with two layers of heavy-duty foil. Grease the inside of the pan lightly with butter.
Make the crust. Combine toasted coconut, chopped almonds, sugar, and melted butter in a bowl and stir until evenly moistened. Press the mixture firmly into the bottom of the prepared pan. Bake 10–12 minutes until golden and set. Let cool completely on a wire rack.
Make the filling. Beat cream cheese and sugar in a large bowl on medium speed until smooth and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add crumbled almond paste and beat until fully incorporated with no lumps. Add eggs one at a time, beating on low just until blended after each addition. Beat in almond extract, vanilla extract, and sour cream until smooth. Do not overmix.
Bake in a water bath. Pour filling over cooled crust and smooth the top. Set the springform pan inside a larger roasting pan. Pour enough hot water into the roasting pan to come 1 inch up the side of the springform. Bake at 325°F for 50–55 minutes, until the edges are set and the center jiggles only slightly when nudged.
Cool gradually. Turn off the oven. Crack the oven door open about 1 inch and let the cheesecake cool in the oven for 1 hour. Remove from the water bath, discard foil, and run a thin knife around the edge of the pan. Cool completely on a wire rack, then refrigerate uncovered at least 4 hours or overnight.
Make the chocolate glaze. Place chopped bittersweet chocolate in a small heatproof bowl. Heat heavy cream and corn syrup in a small saucepan over medium heat until just simmering. Pour hot cream over chocolate and let sit 2 minutes, then whisk until completely smooth. Let glaze cool at room temperature until slightly thickened, about 10 minutes.
Glaze and garnish. Remove the springform ring. Pour the chocolate glaze over the chilled cheesecake, spreading gently to the edges and letting it drip slightly down the sides. Scatter toasted slivered almonds and toasted coconut over the top. Refrigerate 30 minutes to set the glaze before slicing.
Serve. Slice with a thin sharp knife wiped clean between cuts. Serve chilled or at cool room temperature. A small dollop of lightly sweetened whipped cream alongside is not wrong.

Nutrition (per serving)

Chocolate-Glazed Coconut Almond Cheesecake — When the Kitchen Holds What Words Cannot